I'm sure most of you are familiar with John Goodman's brilliant performance as tough-guy dickhead Coach Harris in Revenge Of The Nerds. If not, here's a little refresher:
Originally I was going to post the John Goodman version followed by my version and have you all tell me how spot-on my impression was. Instead I decided that the outtakes were far more compelling than the final cut. I hope you enjoy it:
3/30/2009
Giving A Politician Credit When It's Due...
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- The United States has 5% of the world's total population, yet has 25% of the world's total prison population. Although I knew we Americans were incarceration-happy, I didn't realize to what degree.
- In 1980 we had 41,000 drug offenders in prison. Today that number is over 500,000, an increase of 1200%. A significant percentage of these people are in prison for possession or other non-violent offenses.
- African-Americans are about 12% of our population. Contrary to a lot of thought and rhetoric, their drug use rate in terms of frequent drug use is about the same as all other elements of our society - about 14%. Yet they end up being 37% of those arrested on drug charges, 59% of those convicted, and 74% of those sentenced to prison.
I salute you, Sen. Webb, and your balls of steel.
3/29/2009
Finally There's Something That Will Allow Me To Smoke The Way I Want To Smoke...
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3/28/2009
Stop Doing That. It's Weird...
"Stop doing that. It's weird."
As soon as she said it I think she realized the mistake she had made. Those two sentences together do not compute with me. If anything they only serve to add fuel to the fire. Luckily for her we were soon distracted by a group of right-wing fucking morons at the table behind us saying idiotic things.
By the way, sorry for not posting anything lately. It'll probably never happen again.
3/24/2009
That Was The Best Jeopardy Championship Series I Have Ever Seen...
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Where The Hell Is This Free Market Everyone's Raving About?...
3/22/2009
Ski Report, Week 8...
Since the conditions next time I ski probably won't be worth reporting about, I've decided this is my last one for the season. It was the big spring party weekend (which I mentioned last year) where I patrol, so it's a good one to end on. The weather was warm and sunny. The skiing was great. The drunks were entertaining and non-violent. There were naked boobies. I'll leave you with a video of a time-honored spring skiing tradition - trying to make it across the pool of freezing water. I sped it up because I know you people are busy and things are generally funnier in double-time. Note the guy who tries it with one ski and almost makes it. Also note only one snowboarder makes it across. There is also a tiny bit of plumber's butt, so be warned.
3/21/2009
I Used To Feel Like A Jackass For Not Being Able To Understand All This Financial Crisis Shit, But Now I Feel A Little More Informed...
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3/18/2009
All Hail The King Of The Nerds!...
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I went back through all my posts (not in one sitting, mind you) through 2008 to find the first time each of you left a comment here. I'm not sure why. I've always thought the social component of blogging was really cool and the way I came to know most of you was through comments. Now you can go back and relive that blessed day you added your two cents to something I wrote (chances are it was about poop). I'm amazed by how long some of you have stuck with me! Those of you I have met in person are in orange.
- 6-9-2006 Grant Miller
- 6-13-2006 Frank Sirmarco
- 6-19-2006 Flannery Alden
- 6-22-2006 Anne Altman
- 6-30-2006 Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks (Big Orange)
- 7-3-2006 Winter
- 7-17-2006 Lulu
- 7-17-2006 Phil
- 7-17-2006 Laaw-yuhr
- 7-18-2006 Coaster Punchman
- 7-18-2006 Melinda June
- 7-31-2006 GETkristiLOVE
- 8-1-2006 Marni
- 8-1-2006 Tenacious S
- 8-9-2006 Beth
- 8-9-2006 Vikkitikkitavi
- 8-17-2006 Megan
- 8-22-2006 Wonderturtle
- 9-6-2006 Amy
- 9-11-2006 Jen @ Casual Slack
- 9-14-2006 Erik @ Nevada Thunder
- 9-20-2006 Johnny Yen
- 9-29-2006 Randyluvspaiste
- 10-5-2006 The Boob Lady
- 10-11-2006 Teri
- 10-11-2006 Mixed Nut
- 10-17-2006 Genn6
- 10-19-2006 Doc
- 10-22-2006 Geo
- 10-31-2006 Sans Pantaloons
- 12-8-2006 Gizmorox
- 12-8-2006 Dale
- 12-12-2006 Bubbles
- 12-19-2006 Dave @ Bad Art Global
- 1-12-2007 Dick Small
- 2-15-2007 Splotchy
- 2-16-2007 Bubs
- 3-2-2007 Hapabukbuk
- 3-5-2007 Skyler's Dad
- 3-14-2007 Cormac Brown
- 3-21-2007 Catherinette Singleton
- 4-16-2007 Spooney
- 5-8-2007 Cheer34
- 7-16-2007 Cooper Green
- 7-31-2007 Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein
- 8-2-2007 Evil Genius
- 8-3-2007 Micgar
- 8-13-2007 Kirby
- 9-7-2007 Special K
- 9-7-2007 Lady Who Doesn't Lunch
- 9-14-2007 Distributor Cap
- 9-24-2007 Samurai Frog
- 9-26-2007 Dr. Zaius
- 10-26-2007 Beckeye
- 11-1-2007 MNMom
- 11-6-2007 Dguzman
- 11-8-2007 Suzel's Sass
- 12-29-2007 The Bacon Lady
- 2-12-2008 Falwless
- 5-27-2008 Sista#1
- 6-20-2008 Bill Stankus
- 6-23-2008 Dr. Zibbs
- 7-19-2008 Pistols At Dawn
- 8-11-2008 Sista#2
- 8-14-2008 Leonesse
- 9-5-2008 Poobomber
- 9-5-2008 Son Of A Thomas (Anonymous)
- 9-8-2008 Gwen
- 9-17-2008 Kimmie DeC
- 10-2-2008 Miss Alex
- 10-7-2008 Katrocket
- 10-22-2008 Imaginary Reviewer
- 10-26-2008 ~E
- 10-27-2008 McGone
- 10-27-2008 Jon
- 10-31-2008 Jennifer (and Sandi)
- 11-4-2008 Cora
- 11-6-2008 Candy
- 11-6-2008 Dad E
- 11-7-2008 Raf
- 11-10-2008 Whiskeymarie
- 11-12-2008 MelO
- 11-14-2008 Red
- 11-18-2008 Morgan the (Almost) Muse
- 11-21-2008 The Indefatigable Mjenks
- 11-21-2008 Alice Average
- 11-21-2008 Greta
- 11-21-2008 Sass
- 12-31-2008 Scope
Documentary Film Of The Day: Dark Days...
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3/15/2009
A New Look For Summer...
Things are finally starting to warm up here in the north. The snow is receding rapidly and the honking geese are signaling that the end of winter is at long last in sight. If you're a clothes horse like me, the only thing on your mind right now is planning out your summer wardrobe. I've been scouring all the men's fashion mags for ideas and I think I've narrowed it down to two looks that I think will work for me. I'm either going to go with:
Right now I'm leaning toward the barrel. It's airy and will cut down on my laundry bill. I figure a little Murphy's Oil Soap every now and then and I'd be good to go. I know what you're thinking. Some Guy, how are you going to use a urinal in that thing? I understand your concern, but I think that could be solved fairly easily with a strategically-placed bunghole.
Right now I'm leaning toward the barrel. It's airy and will cut down on my laundry bill. I figure a little Murphy's Oil Soap every now and then and I'd be good to go. I know what you're thinking. Some Guy, how are you going to use a urinal in that thing? I understand your concern, but I think that could be solved fairly easily with a strategically-placed bunghole.
3/12/2009
Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout?...
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Willis. The first name in classic American television.
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3/10/2009
A Revelation...
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Either that or Megan slipped some peyote into my grapefruit juice. She's always doing that.
3/09/2009
Ski Report, Week 7...
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Once you get to this time of the year up here and you get a string of 40 degree days you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All the remaining snow on my roof and driveway had melted and patches of grass had begun to peek through. That's usually when that evil whore Mama Nature rips the rug out from under you like she did last night when she decided we hadn't quite had enough and dumped about ten inches of new snow on us in a very short period of time. Bitch.
Anyway, the run of the week was accompanied by the song "Henehene Kou'Aka" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (an artist Vikki had turned me on to). Enjoy!
3/07/2009
I've Been Gleeking A Lot Lately...
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It seems like every time I'm sitting at my computer and I yawn, a stream of accidental saliva shoots out of my mouth. It happened again like two minutes ago. It hasn't been an issue so far, but I just know I'm going to yawn while talking to some boring person at some point and nail them right in the face with an arching ribbon of spit. I've decided it serves them right for boring me so I'm not going to feel bad about it when it happens.
3/05/2009
3/04/2009
This Is How I Say "Crisp"...
What can I say? I like the word "crisp".
Labels:
boring videos,
crisp,
dude you are a fucking weirdo
3/01/2009
A Ween Appreciation Post...
I fucking love Ween (the band, not the organ). I know that they're not for everyone, but their music has brought me a lot of joy over the years. Here is a sampling of songs from their long, illustrious career. I know most of you won't take the time to watch all of these, but who knows. You may find something you like.
Birthday Boy
off the album "God Ween Satan (The Oneness)"
Pollo Asado
off the album "The Pod"
The Stallion Pt. 3
off the album "Pure Guava"
Don't Shit Where You Eat
off the album "Chocolate And Cheese"
(WARNING: This song has the word "shit" in it.)
Piss Up A Rope
off the album "12 Golden Country Greats"
(WARNING: This song contains offensive material and should not be listened to in the company of children and employers.)
The Mollusk
off the album "The Mollusk"
Bananas And Blow
off the album "White Pepper"
Chocolate Town
off the album "Quebec"
Shamemaker
off the album "La Cucaracha"
off the album "God Ween Satan (The Oneness)"
Pollo Asado
off the album "The Pod"
The Stallion Pt. 3
off the album "Pure Guava"
Don't Shit Where You Eat
off the album "Chocolate And Cheese"
(WARNING: This song has the word "shit" in it.)
Piss Up A Rope
off the album "12 Golden Country Greats"
(WARNING: This song contains offensive material and should not be listened to in the company of children and employers.)
The Mollusk
off the album "The Mollusk"
Bananas And Blow
off the album "White Pepper"
Chocolate Town
off the album "Quebec"
Shamemaker
off the album "La Cucaracha"
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