Merry Christmas, Everyone!...

From the staff at Some Guy's Blog.

Now, on the count of three--start drinking!

Documentary Film Of The Day: Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work...

I'll be honest.  I've never been a Joan Rivers fan.  I can remember avoiding The Tonight Show as a kid whenever she'd fill in while Johnny was on vacation.  This documentary went a long way in changing my perception of her.  For one thing, I had never seen her doing her stand-up in small clubs.  She's shockingly dirty!  While the film does address some of the things Joan is well known for like the plastic surgery and her roller-coaster career, it digs deeper to reveal an extremely hard-working, vulnerable person.  I thought it was excellent.

Netflix it or watch it instantly HERE.

Be Proud, Vermonters...

Your senator knows the fucking score.

From Sans Pantaloons...

Sans now officially has his own tag 

This is what frozen pizza can do for you.

I Never Think Of Jokes...

...but I came up with one as I was getting ready for bed last night.  I shared it with Megan.  Here is our exchange:

Me:  Hey, want to hear this joke I just thought up?

Her (reluctantly):  Um, okay.

Me:  Okay, What is the most commonly reported illness amongst employees at a beer factory?

Her:  I don't know.  What?

Me:  The "BREW-bonic" plague!

Her:  *crickets*

Me:  Okay, wait, wait.  Now, what is the most commonly reported illness by a coven of witches?

Her:  *indifferent grumble*

Me:  The "BREW-bonic" plague!

Her:  Ugh.

Me:  Okay, okay.  What is the most commonly reported illness by players on the Milwaukee Brewers?

Her:  Gee,I don't know.  Was it the "BREW-bonic" plague?

Me:  No. Cancer.

Who Loves LEGO!?...

AFOL A Blocumentary from AFOL on Vimeo.

I do, but clearly not as much as the people in this half-hour documentary by director Jess Gibson. I found this over at The Documentary Blog and it's just the sort film I like--one about people doing what they truly enjoy even if most other people think they're weird. Some of the shit they make is pretty incredible. So if excessive turkey intake has made you immobile, spend some time with this cool little doc.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Winnebago Man...

I've been waiting a long time to see this one. 

Although you may not be immediately familiar with the name Jack Rebney, chances are you've witnessed his curse-laden tirades on YouTube captured while making trade videos for Winnebago motor homes.  For a profanity connoisseur such as myself, you must believe me when I say they are works of fucking art (go HERE if you haven't seen them--NSFW).  Director Ben Steinbauer decided he wanted to see whatever became of Jack.  I liked this documentary for the same reason I like a lot of documentaries--we get to see the story unfold as the film is being made.  It's the unpredictability that I find incredibly compelling.  As the movie starts, Ben isn't even sure whether Jack is still alive.  In fact, based on Jack's demeanor in the videos, he assumes he's probably died of a heart attack or some other stress-related malady.  Luckily for the filmmaker and the audience, Jack is still alive and (somewhat) willing to talk.  I'll let you find out the rest for yourselves.

Netflix it HERE
Film's website is HERE

Happy Hallo-weeners, Everyone!...

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

If You Made $518.8 Million Last Year, Fuck You...

Some of you may have read THIS ARTICLE linked on Huffington Post the other day.  It provides some pretty eye-opening data regarding wages and income distribution.  I found this part of the article particularly interesting:

"The number of Americans making $50 million or more, the top income category in the data, fell from 131 in 2008 to 74 last year. But that’s only part of the story.

The average wage in this top category increased from $91.2 million in 2008 to an astonishing $518.8 million in 2009. That’s nearly $10 million in weekly pay!

You read that right. In the Great Recession year of 2009 (officially just the first half of the year), the average pay of the very highest-income Americans was more than five times their average wages and bonuses in 2008. And even though their numbers shrank by 43 percent, this group’s total compensation was 3.2 times larger in 2009 than in 2008, accounting for 0.6 percent of all pay. These 74 people made as much as the 19 million lowest-paid people in America, who constitute one in every eight workers."

I would just like to say for the record that unless you are someone who is shoveling raw shit for twelve hours a day, seven days a week,  you did not earn $518.8 million.  Not a chance in hell.  You might have made that much, but you sure as fuck didn't earn it.  It boggles the mind to think that considerable numbers of those 19 million on the bottom still want to elect people who openly (and often proudly) campaign on giving tax cuts to the top 74.

19 million vs. 74.  Can't we just bum-rush them?  I mean, fuck.

I Think Yogi Bear And Chumley Had The Same Stylist...

Anything more than a hat, collar, and tie is too much.

Lauren Huttonchops...

If only I had a legitimate photoshopping program
rather than just Microsoft Paint.  

I could cause all sorts of mischief.

I Don't Know Why...

...but, to me, Al Molinaro looks like he smells like cantaloupe.

I'm Still A Major Nerd...

As I mentioned in THIS POST from over two years ago, I am trying to complete my collection of the 50 state quarters.  To increase the nerdosity, I want to get each state's quarter from both mints (Philly and Denver).  I finally have at least one of each pair, but I'm still trying to fill in a few holes.  These are the ones I'm still looking for:

• Vermont - P
• Kentucky - P
• Mississippi - P
• Arkansas - D
• Texas - D
• Iowa - P
• California - P
• Nebraska - D
• Colorado - D
• Montana - D
• Idaho - D
• New Mexico - D
• Hawaii - D

If you happen upon any of these, I'd be glad to negotiate some sort of trade.

Family Circus: The Movie...

No, I am not joking.

I guess I'd be a little upset if it weren't for the fact that it's being billed as a hardcore porno.

Fuck The Magic 8-Ball...

Are you tired of asking some dopey plastic ball what life has in store for you?  Don't trust your fortune-telling needs to some "toy".  If you're like me, you're way too busy to spend your time shaking an 8-ball, only to wait (and wait and wait and wait...) for the little triangle thingy to rise to the surface and reveal its answer.  You don't have time to dick around.  You need your fortune told - STAT!  Allow me to recommend the Fortune Teller Miracle Fish.  Timely, accurate fortunes for people on the go.  This little red rascal predicted the McKinley assassination AND that my cat would piss on the floor last night (like two feet away from the litter box.  Fucker.).  You've tried the rest, now buy the best.  Fortune Teller Miracle Fish.  Ask for it by name.

The Real Stairway To Heaven...

 This was yesterday, a gorgeous northern Michigan fall day overlooking Lake Charlevoix.

Tune: Clarinet Marmalade, Louis Armstrong and His All-Stars

Truth Exists...

"People who suggest that there is no such thing as truth should be sentenced to death for a crime they didn't commit." -Errol Morris

"People who suggest that there is no such thing as objective truth should be sentenced to death for a crime they didn't commit." -Errol Morris (a short while later)


He's on Twitter.

(For the record, I still don't think anyone should receive a death sentence.  I just think Mr. Morris makes a good point.)

A Documentary Trifecta...

I know this is the second post in a row about documentaries and that, for many of you, documentaries = boring.  It's just that I can't help but champion what I consider a genre of film that is too often overlooked.  Some of the most exciting, innovative stuff being done these days, in my opinion, is in non-fiction.  Here are three more for your Netflix queues.  Two are about corruption and one is about two guys who stalk '80s pop sensation, Tiffany.

I discovered this one thanks to Will at A Moment Of Miscellany.  It's about the art collection of Albert Barnes - a collection that is considered one of the most important and valuable in the world.  The story follows the history of the collection, Mr. Barnes intentions for what would happen to the collection after he died, and the extents to which wealthy interests in Philadelphia have gone to gain control of the collection.  I found it fascinating.  You can Netflix it HERE. (Available for instant viewing)

I'm sure a lot of you remember the name Jack Abramoff from the news a few years ago.  If you were ever confused by what exactly he did wrong, this film should help clear things up.  The film is by Oscar-winning director Alex Gibney who also made a great movie on the Enron debacle.  You'll likely come away thinking that this guy is a douchebag of the highest order, but remember that he was merely exploiting (granted, in a pretty cavalier way) a system that has existed within the government for a very long time.  You can Neflix it HERE.

This is a movie about two people - one is a 50-year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome and the other is an "intersexual" living as a female - who are obsessed with teen mall queen from the '80s, Tiffany.  It's the sort of weird, obscure subject matter that I look for in a documentary.  At 64 minutes long, it is shorter than most features.  You can Netflix it HERE. (Available for instant viewing)

Documentary Film Of The Day: Sweetgrass...

This is one of the best documentaries I've seen in a while.  It's about sheep-herding in Montana.  If you get bored by movies without much dialogue, this isn't the film for you.  I loved it.  For one, the film is a visual feast.  The photography is outstanding.  There are lots of poignant little moments, too, like when one of the herders is cursing at the sheep with what I'd consider one of the most brilliant, spontaneous strings of profanity ever captured on film.  It's a real life Brokeback Mountain, but without all the wieners.  Check it out!

Netflix it HERE (Available for instant viewing.)

Stephen J. Cannell Dies...

and Mr. T cries.



Story HERE

Dudes Wearing Umbrella Hats...

I'm Not Alone...

Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks Senator Mitch McConnell looks like the turtle in those art school test ads. Jon Stewart seconded my emotion last night. You can watch it HERE if you like.

This Is Fun...

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7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

Sorry. There was some gunk on my 7 key that I was trying to scrape off. Please disregard this post.

Football...

I don't expect much out of the Bears this season, but I don't really care since I already got my Blackhawks Stanley Cup yayas this year. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the action, sans fantasy leagues. As for tonight's game, I'm afraid I can't bring myself to cheer for the Vikings no matter how ambivalent I am. Go Saints (I guess)!

I'll Take "Tea Party Douchebags" For $200, Alex...

You get one guess...

The Wedding Post...

As some of you may know, Megan and I got married yesterday. For the past three summers, her family has rented a vacation home on a lake up here for a week. The one they chose this year was ideally set up for a small wedding. There's a big, sandy beach and a dock with plenty of room for a tent. We each have a brother and a sister who stood up with us. We asked my uncle to get his $13 credentials from the Universal Life Church website so that he could perform the ceremony. We didn't hire a photographer or use a wedding planner or a deejay. The food, all of which was locally grown/raised, was provided by the guy who runs the co-op farm where Megan volunteers. It came off exactly the way we had hoped. Despite several forecasts that had called for thunderstorms, the weather was absolutely perfect and punctuated with a million dollar Michigan sunset. Megan's dad surprised everyone by arranging an awesome fireworks display. Later in the evening, after some serious imbibing, many guests ended up in the lake in various states of undress. I think you'll agree that Megan looked absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't have asked for a better day or a more wonderful bride. Here are some pics:

For Chicagoans (And Fans Of Old Style)...

Any dive bar that's worth a damn in Chicago has an Old Style sign out front. I found a fun Flickr group dedicated to all things Old Style. This is the Chicago I know and love:

Blogroll Retrospective: Epilogue...

Whew!

Well, that was a lot of fun. It was nice to see people stop by I hadn't heard from in a while. I hope that others who have not yet discovered these will trickle in over time. It was also nice to hear from some of you that this series has inspired you to get back into posting stuff. It's been a long time since I've had 70+ posts in a single month. If there are some of you who still follow this blog that I omitted, my sincere apologies. And now, back to the toilet humor!

Blogroll Retrospective: Genius Pending...

Last post: June 29, 2010

In most cases, whenever I start reading a new blog, I can identify another blogger who led me to it. Not so in the case of Jay of "Genius Pending". I'm pretty sure it was completely random. He hasn't been around here for a while, so I don't know if he still reads this. He's another Seattle-area blog-pal with some seriously funny-ass material. It's a nice mix of long stuff and short stuff. He's another one I hope starts posting again regularly.

Blogroll Retrospective: Son Of A Thomas...

Last post: July 21, 2010

There are quite a few Philly-area bloggers on my roll, including Son Of A Thomas. I think we discovered each other through comments on Zibb's blog. Like I've said a million times, it's another blog with a sense of humor that I appreciate. The author is a former radio personality who is currently seeking employment, so if you have any connections in that area, I'm sure he'd like to talk to you.

Blogroll Retrospective: Gingers Is The Watchword...

Last post: July 19, 2010

"Gingers Is The Watchword" is another blog I discovered because of its ubiquitous (nice) presence throughout our corner of the blogosphere. There you will find plenty of humor and pop culture, as well as some original music. Red was another participant in the aforementioned fantasy football league. Unfortunately, I snagged her beloved San Diego Chargers from under her - a move that eventually proved critical to my success. I hope she can forgive me.

Blogroll Retrospective: Extraneous Kickassery...

Last post: April 19, 2010

Seriously? April 19th? I think it's time to get back in the game, Jon of "Extraneous Kickassery" (one of my favorite blog titles, by the way). I discovered Jon thanks to Falwless's obsession with him. Of course he has the mandatory sense of humor. He's also one of the few bloggers besides myself who posts about sports. In fact, he orchestrated a fun little fantasy football league last season that - thanks to the upstart Cincinnati Bengals - won me $40. At any rate, I hope he finds his way back to posting at some point.

Blogroll Retrospective: Whiskeymarie...

Last post: July 21, 2010

Like so many other blogs I currently follow, Whiskeymarie's was one that was linked everywhere. She has a goofy sense of humor (like your truly) and I love the way she signs off on her posts (i.e.: "Happy Tuesday, my sweaty little aerobic leprechauns. Happy Tuesday."). I also like to see the posts of her and Gwen (Everything I Like Causes Cancer) raising hell together. If they ever need a volunteer videographer for their misadventures, I hope they keep me in mind.

Blogroll Retrospective: Cora & Scope...

Last posts: July 22, 2010

Okay, for this entry, I've decided to combine two blogs in honor of their recent nuptials. That's right, these two actually beat Megan and I to become the first bloggers in our little circle to become husband and wife (as Cora would say, "Squeeeeee!"). I discovered both of them through Zibbs. I've actually met Scope at a Chicago function and, who knows, now that Cora is moving to Chicago I may have the opportunity to meet her on one of my future trips. It has been fun to watch their relationship blossom as someone who had had a similar experience. At times I've wondered if - now that the wedding is over - they'll have anything new to post about, but somehow I don't think it'll be a problem. Congratulations, you two! I wish you all the best.