10/11/2010

Fuck The Magic 8-Ball...

Are you tired of asking some dopey plastic ball what life has in store for you?  Don't trust your fortune-telling needs to some "toy".  If you're like me, you're way too busy to spend your time shaking an 8-ball, only to wait (and wait and wait and wait...) for the little triangle thingy to rise to the surface and reveal its answer.  You don't have time to dick around.  You need your fortune told - STAT!  Allow me to recommend the Fortune Teller Miracle Fish.  Timely, accurate fortunes for people on the go.  This little red rascal predicted the McKinley assassination AND that my cat would piss on the floor last night (like two feet away from the litter box.  Fucker.).  You've tried the rest, now buy the best.  Fortune Teller Miracle Fish.  Ask for it by name.

6 comments:

BeckEye said...

Is that a Swedish fish? If so, I predict I will eat it.

kirby said...

Those things made the rounds in birthday party loot bags a while ago. The fish ended up sweaty little gobs that couldn't predict squat after spending the afternoon crushed in tiny, sugar coated little palms.

Sans Pantaloons said...

I had one of these as a child. It predicted I would grow up to be a hairy useless fucker.
It was spot on.

SkylersDad said...

"ask for it by name". That made me snort, because I have not heard that in a long time, good job Chris!

Mnmom said...

I predict it will end up in the junk drawer.

Cora said...

Pfffft! I actually have one of those. Really. Much more useful than a Jesus Fish.