Allow me to shift gears here for a second. I have stated very clearly, both on this blog and elsewhere, that I advocate non-violent solutions to problems. However, Mr. Cheney has made adhering to this stance challenging. I am going to float an idea that may appear to contradict my pacifist ideals. If you think I should be ashamed of myself, please express your thoughts in the comments. I'm still torn.
What I am proposing is that Dick Cheney voluntarily submit to a good, swift kick in the balls.
You think I'm joking. Hear me out:
- To the best of my knowledge, Mr. Cheney, at his advanced age, has no further intentions of fathering children. Any damage that could be done would pose no serious health risks. I would make sure that any medical professionals he wanted on-hand would be present with buckets of ice, salves, defibrillators, and whatever else was deemed necessary.
- As we all know, the country's economy is in the shitter. If this sort of thing were done in a public venue and offered on some sort of pay-per-view outlet, I think enough people would be interested that the revenue raised could provide every American with health care for years to come. Hell, I would pay $100 to see it, even though I don't really have it to spare. Besides this, the honor of doing the kicking could go to the highest bidder. I can only imagine how much someone would pay for that. The point is, it would be patriotic thing for Mr. Cheney to do. A brief bout of intense pain on his part could potentially help alleviate the pain of millions.
- Despite what he's indicating in the photo, he indeed has two balls and they're huge - a nice, big target.
- According to YouTube and America's Funniest Home Videos, there are few things that bring people as much joy in life as seeing a guy get nailed in the nuts. I don't see this as a partisan thing. I think this is something democrats and republicans - liberals and conservatives - can get behind.