8/20/2009

I Missed My Calling...

I don't have many regrets in life, but one that I shall carry with me to the crematorium is the fact that I didn't get the chance to work in the marketing department for Wang Computers. Hell, if I had been around, that company might not have gone out of business. Sure, hindsight is 20/20, but the possibilities, it seems, were limitless. Let's start with the slogans:
  • I love my Wang!
  • Get your hands on a Wang today!
  • My Wang is hard to beat!
  • Feel the power of a Wang!
  • See what your Wang can do for you!
  • I'd be nothing without my Wang!
They also could've done a better job appealing to children. Those of you with kids know they love those fuzzy Sesame Street-type monsters: Elmo, Cookie Monster, etc. Why not tap into that section of the marketplace? I would've introduced the "Big Hairy Wang" line of computers, all multi-colored with oversized, kid-friendly keyboards and plush outer-casing. I'll bet a "Big Hairy Wang" would've been on every kid's Christmas list!

They also could've developed a line of ultra-durable laptop computers that were impact-resistent. I'd call them the "Rock Hard Wangs"... Okay, wait. Hold it. Stop. This is ridiculous. This kind of gratuitous humor is beneath me and is not what this blog is all about. I mean, shit. Lame, lazy double-entendres based on a defunct computer company with a silly-sounding name? Is this what I've resorted to? I mean, Christ, this sounds like a bit Shecky Greene might've done back in the seventies in his act in Tahoe (made even less funny by the fact that none of you probably know who the fuck Shecky Greene is). Next thing you know I'm gonna be doing fucking airplane jokes. Or worse, Lewinsky jokes. I'm ashamed. You deserve better.


Still. Wang. it's a funny name, right?

15 comments:

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Shit I can't stop laughing from your Hot as balls video I just watched. Sorry...you were saying something about Wangs?


- Jennifer

The Vegetable Assassin said...

WANG is one of my favourite words! It's hee-lar-ee-ous. Plus it would be secretly funny to hear some demure little soccer mom say "Oh I got little Petey an Elmo Wang for Christmas, he'll be ecstatic!"

Also imagine the fun when you outgrow your wang and have to put it on Ebay? "WHO'LL BUY MY WELL USED WANG?" you'll say.

Oh I'm enjoying the idea already.

Mnmom said...

A good Wang never quits!
How about a travel-size Wang?!
Cordless Wang, anyone?
I love my Wang in the laptop version!

Come on Some Guy, your Shecky Greene stuff is what we live for!

Son of a Thomas said...

What's wrong with Shecky?

My favorite Wang joke is from the movie "Hollywood Knights" when the guys pee in the punch and the cop who drinks it says it has a little wang in it.

Classic bad movie.

Cooper Green said...

If they had managed to hold out until PDA's became popular, they could have done a deal with Palm Pilot. "Palm and Wang: two great tools, one great experience".

Shecky's a pretty funny name too. That guy was a riot. He could have an entire room gasping for air.

Cooper Green said...

Hang on, I missed the Business News story:
"Palm Launches Wang, Calling It 'The Coming Thing'"

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

bubbles said...

I'd walk a mile for a wang.

westchesterdead said...

"Expand the RAM in your Wang".... That's Shecky calling you from the grave. His voice is hollow and scratchy as he calls out for you, too.

SkylersDad said...

Don't apologize Some Guy! This is what we come here for, and if you don't have any idea who Shecky is, well I weep for our society.

BeckEye said...

It would be great when your computer broke down and you had to call the Wang doctor.

Coaster Punchman said...

Wang was the first word processor I learned to use. I'm dating myself. But at least I buy myself dinner.

Distributorcap said...

everyone wang chung tonite

we had wangs -- or should i still have

at least i think i do

joe said...

How about: "It's not the size of your Wang that counts, it's how you use it".

audiogeek said...

Don't stop the WANG! We need it