12/14/2008

Holiday Spirit...

Megan and I are going out to do a little Christmas shopping today. Since I live in a rural area without malls or big crowds, it's harder for me to get the true holiday shopping experience. That's why by the end of the trip I hope to:
  • knock down and step on at least one woman over 80 years of age.
  • forcibly snatch an item away from another shopper, even if there are plenty more of the same thing on the shelf.
  • annoy other shoppers by wearing over-sized snowshoes into all the stores.
  • verbally assault a sales clerk for not having the power tool I'm looking for, even though I'm in a bookstore.
  • insist that the Christmas cards I buy each be individually gift-wrapped.
  • pee into at least one Christmas tree stand and/or Poinsettia plant and claim that the line for the restroom was too long.

17 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You are a Christmas shopper afer my own heart.

Bill Stankus said...

Repeat after me:
A-M-A-Z-O-N-D-O-T-C-O-M

Wasn't that easy, your Christmas shopping is now finished.

And you weren't arrested for urinating in public.

Cheer34 said...

you have great holiday spirit....glad you passed in on to us

Dr Zibbs said...

I've seen on a map where you live. I thought the only shopping you had was access to pelt trading stations.

Mnmom said...

Fa la la la la la la la la!!!!

Le Meems said...

these are all great things to do --

also, for those gift cards that you'll have gift wrapped individually, you should ask for separate gift receipts for each one.

just in case.

SkylersDad said...

Those are all good ideas. My favorite is to take over the public announcement system and announce sales in various departments far away from me. Keeps the aisles clear for me.

Cora said...

Once in the local Nordstroms the snooty guy playing Christmas carols on the piano got peed on by my coworker's drunken brother. True story. He just whipped it out and peed. And the band did NOT play on.

Cormac Brown said...

Man, Midwesterners do Christmas up right!

MelO said...

You get more points for the old lady if she is not using a walker. Bonus points for blue hair.

...so I hear.

Bubs said...

Knock over a Christmas tree while you're at it. I don't consider any holiday season complete until a Christmas tree gets knocked over.

Cora said...

Tag, you're it! Visit my blog for the rules. Can't wait to see what you'll come up with! Hee hee hee. :-)

Jen said...

did you get me anything???

bubbles said...

Ahhh. Tis the season. I'm already sick of angry people (mobs) everywhere. I ordered my new license plates last night - they say KOOLOFF. I think it is my new motto.

Dale said...

Keep your hands off my Elmo!

Cameron said...

Blue hairs should be forced to shop online online. If you's over 80, you are not allowed amongst the general public.

dguzman said...

I like to curse loudly when I'm standing near small children. And that goes for anytime I'm shopping, not just Xmas.