Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know that a lot of my posts begin with the phrase "Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know...". You also know that late comedian George Carlin was one of my heroes and had a tremendous influence on me and how I look at the world.Carlin loved language and words and all the cool things he could do with them. He had a bit about things you never hear. In it, he takes great pride in being the first person ever to arrange certain words in a certain order. He takes credit for being the first person in history to ever utter the following sentence:
"As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off."
I always thought this was a cool concept. So allow me to follow in his footsteps and publish a sentence that has never existed until today:
"Howard Cosell had dreadlocked butt-hair."
I invite the rest of you to add a sentence in the comments that has never been said or printed before in the history of human existence. Then, pat yourself on the back. You're #1!
*Edited to add: I know there is no way to be 100% sure that you are indeed the first. I'd suggest putting your sentence in quotes and doing a Google search. If nothing comes up there's a good chance you're a winner!
19 comments:
Jesus Christ gave me a reach around and his hand was as rough as sandpaper, I'll never forgive the bastard for that.
"Skylers Dad is the best lover I have ever had".
"I can never tell the difference between Suze and Cindy Crawford."
"I learned Sanskrit from a hermaphrodite hooker while he/she tossed a chupacabra's salad."
Rush Limbaugh renewed his Wiccan membership while humming "We Shall Overcome".
Howard Cosell put a hot poker in Joe Paterno's ass and Pete Rose snorted Joe's singed butt hair, but the senile old fart still refused to retire from coaching Penn State football.
"And the winner of the National Spelling Bee is... Scope!"
I think I was happier just seeing Pete Rose. Now I've got a REALLY unpleasant picture of HC in my head....
Or, MN Mom, how about just "Rush Limbaugh is a smart guy!"?
"And the Academy Award for Best Actress goes to...Heather Graham!"
(I'd like to add that not only has this ever been said, but that it will NEVER be said at any time in the future.)
"By the end of the fortnight, I will have successfully inseminated this group of monkeys with my man mustard."
Sherman Hemsley would pour creamed corn down his pants whenever the Pope would visit the set of The Jeffersons.
Cossell really turns me on.
I really think Tara Reid is going to make a big comeback.
"Skylers Dad is the best lover I have ever had".
Fancy a threesome Greta?
"The Glenn Beck program is quite possibly the most insightful, important news show that cable news has to offer."
Now that I've heard that wonderful sentence I can now die happy.
Thank you!
I hate when I think I've developed a twist of phrase and then Google it to learn 6,393,728 others have said the same thing.
Mmmm, this bologna peanut butter licorice mandarin orange chilli M&M spunky man seed mint tuna melt is delicious!!
Camilla Parker Bowles is sooooooooo freakin' HAWT!!
I sure miss Dubya.
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