4/09/2009

Anything To Get That Godforsaken Picture Of Pete Rose Off The Screen...

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know that a lot of my posts begin with the phrase "Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know...". You also know that late comedian George Carlin was one of my heroes and had a tremendous influence on me and how I look at the world.

Carlin loved language and words and all the cool things he could do with them. He had a bit about things you never hear. In it, he takes great pride in being the first person ever to arrange certain words in a certain order. He takes credit for being the first person in history to ever utter the following sentence:

"As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off."

I always thought this was a cool concept. So allow me to follow in his footsteps and publish a sentence that has never existed until today:

"Howard Cosell had dreadlocked butt-hair."

I invite the rest of you to add a sentence in the comments that has never been said or printed before in the history of human existence. Then, pat yourself on the back. You're #1!



*Edited to add: I know there is no way to be 100% sure that you are indeed the first. I'd suggest putting your sentence in quotes and doing a Google search. If nothing comes up there's a good chance you're a winner!

21 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Jesus Christ gave me a reach around and his hand was as rough as sandpaper, I'll never forgive the bastard for that.

SkylersDad said...

"Skylers Dad is the best lover I have ever had".

Suze said...

"I can never tell the difference between Suze and Cindy Crawford."

Gwen said...

"I learned Sanskrit from a hermaphrodite hooker while he/she tossed a chupacabra's salad."

Doc said...

"I'll have the rat shit salad with cheez-whiz and a side of candied gall stones Sir Nixon."

"The Pope has a blisteringly hot ass!"

"How long have you been flossing with barbed wire?"

"I cleaned the toilet with my tongue while humming 'When Johnny Comes Marching Home' and that's why my lips are blue you communist goat licker!"

"I'm a virgin, throw ME in the volcano Billy Bob Thornton!"

"Why is there a hand grenade in my elephant Sgt. Rock?"

"Pardon me Sister Mary, but do you have a roachclip or a condom on you?"

I could go on and on, as I'm a Carlin fan too, but my moose is almost done polishing my 8 ball.

Doc

Mnmom said...

Rush Limbaugh renewed his Wiccan membership while humming "We Shall Overcome".

Madam Z said...

Howard Cosell put a hot poker in Joe Paterno's ass and Pete Rose snorted Joe's singed butt hair, but the senile old fart still refused to retire from coaching Penn State football.

Scope said...

"And the winner of the National Spelling Bee is... Scope!"

Coaster Punchman said...

I think I was happier just seeing Pete Rose. Now I've got a REALLY unpleasant picture of HC in my head....


Or, MN Mom, how about just "Rush Limbaugh is a smart guy!"?

BeckEye said...

"And the Academy Award for Best Actress goes to...Heather Graham!"

(I'd like to add that not only has this ever been said, but that it will NEVER be said at any time in the future.)

Jay said...

"By the end of the fortnight, I will have successfully inseminated this group of monkeys with my man mustard."

Spooney said...

Sherman Hemsley would pour creamed corn down his pants whenever the Pope would visit the set of The Jeffersons.

dguzman said...

Cossell really turns me on.

H said...

I really think Tara Reid is going to make a big comeback.

Blue Beak said...

"Skylers Dad is the best lover I have ever had".

Greta said...

This is bullshit. Blue beak stoled mine.

Blue Beak said...

Fancy a threesome Greta?

Micgar said...

"The Glenn Beck program is quite possibly the most insightful, important news show that cable news has to offer."

~E said...

Now that I've heard that wonderful sentence I can now die happy.

Thank you!

Grant Miller said...

I hate when I think I've developed a twist of phrase and then Google it to learn 6,393,728 others have said the same thing.

Cora said...

Mmmm, this bologna peanut butter licorice mandarin orange chilli M&M spunky man seed mint tuna melt is delicious!!

Camilla Parker Bowles is sooooooooo freakin' HAWT!!

I sure miss Dubya.