4/16/2009

Which Comic Strip Character Do You Think Smells The Worst?...

The following are my candidates. If you'd like to make a case for another one, please do so in the comments.

1. Pigpen

Obviously, you can't make a list like this without mentioning Charlie Brown's hygienically-challenged pal, Pigpen. Anyone who is forever enveloped in a cloud of fecal dust has got to be more than a little ripe. Shit, just look at him. I seriously doubt this fucker wipes.

2. Broom Hilda
I see Broom Hilda and the first thing that pops into my mind is the smell of a cauldron full of moldy onion juice. It's been rumored that Broom actually supplements her witch salary by selling the abundance of radishes that grow between her toes at a local farmer's market.

3. Hagar The Horrible
If my family heritage has taught me anything it's that Scandinavians should never be underestimated when it comes to their ability to "bring the funk". I'd wager you could wring about a quart of beer farts out of that burlap tunic of his.

4. Cathy
While contemplating this post, I asked Megan which character she thought smelled the worst. She thought Hagar probably smelled bad and then added, almost apologetically, "I bet, um...Cathy probably smells, too." It stands to reason. She seems to have everything else going against her. Why not chronic body odor? Plus, like Pigpen, she strikes me as a non-wiper.

5. Funky Winkerbean
This one is my dark horse, but one who deserves consideration. Sure, he looks sanitary, but I highly doubt he got the name "Funky" because of his love of Bootsy Collins.

25 comments:

Jay said...

The Born Loser is anopther great sorry-ass that probably got dealt a full hand of B.O. by the Gods of unfairness. That being said, I'm voting Hagar. His Nordic taint hasn't likely seen any non-self-produced mositure in decades.

Diane said...

peppy le pew!

SkylersDad said...

I would also ask you include that nasty old Maxine character from the card company. I realize she isn't technically a comic strip character, but she is old, nasty, mean, and I would wager also a non-wiper.

gizmorox said...

I'd like to think that Pigpen, like his namesake animal, is a lot cleaner than we give him credit for. I'm voting for Cathy, solely because she pisses me the F off and gives sane women everywhere a bad name.

Cormac Brown said...

Cathy and Garfield are in a dead-tie. Family Circus, Dennis The Mencace and Mallard Fillmore are pretty damn close.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You know...Megan's onto something here. I mean, there's plenty of guys out there that are attracted to curvy cuties. There's not a lot of guys out there that are attracted to that crusty shit drying in the crevices of your nether regions aroma. My vote's with Cathy.

And, Skyler's Dad, I think she does have her own strip. It's a daily, single panel, bitchfest. And, you're right. I'll bet she smells like day-old piss and diabeetus. My vote is still with Cathy, though.

Lostinspace said...

Fritz the Cat was in some pretty smelly situations. So was his creator too.

Kimmie said...

Marmaduke. Those folds are probably so funky by now.

Greta said...

Do you really think they just don't wipe?

Some Guy said...

Greta- Not thoroughly.

Splotchy said...

I guess you could argue that he is not a comic strip character, but I will nevertheless submit Wolverine for consideration -- check out any X-Men comic. He's always got stink lines wafting from him.

And a little known property of adamantium is its peculiar similarity in smell to bat guano.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Judy Jetson, no contest. That ho is always 'less than fresh.'

Kristine said...

I can't believe no one mentioned Shaggy or Scooby-Doo! Dirty hippies.

dguzman said...

I feel like PigPen smells more like dirt than funk, but that's just me.

The others--probably a tie, man. I can't pick--I bet they all reek. And I'd throw in that kid from Zits too--probably hasn't washed since his mom bathed him.

katrocket said...

I'd like to nominate Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk from "Shoe". Birds are pretty gross, and he's the worst kind of bird - the kind that smells like dead fish.

Come to think of it, Roz and Shoe are also foul. (pun intended)

Beth said...

Funky + Bean = stank

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I'll bet that Calvin from Calvin and Hobbs is a dirty little bastard in more ways than one.

For sure another non-wiper.

red said...

Garfield.

Miss Alex said...

i'm goin with Cathy. I bet she smells like cheap walmart perfume and asparagus

Whiskeymarie said...

I always thought that Rex Morgan, MD would smell like gin, vics vap-o-rub and ball sweat.
But...I could be wrong.

Coaster Punchman said...

We used to liken Mama Gin to Pigpen. A cloud of dust and grime follows her around.

Distributorcap said...

i dont think superman or batman has ever taken a bath....

Del-V said...

Snuffy Smith.

Gwen said...

Dagwood Bumstead. With as much as he ate on those damn sandwiches there's no way his poop was normal which leads me to believe he's also a shitty wiper.

Evil Genius said...

You missed some obvious candidates like Bill the Cat and Frank and Ernest (who are literally bums.) But I assume what you are after is the hidden stinker, and I have to tell you that whole "For Better or Worse" family smells like beef vegetable soup in my imagination.