6/06/2009

For My Canadian Readers...


I have been very vocal on this blog about my affection towards Canada. I even put it on my "Love List" right after pork bbq. I have always enjoyed my travels to your beautiful country. I am grateful to have gotten to know so many of you through this blog. So, it is out of love that I ask you:

How is it you people are still alive?

All we hear down here in Jesusland is how shoddy and antiquated your health care system is. We have been told that your standard protocol for treatment of bone fractures is immediate amputation with a rusty butter knife while anesthesia is administered with a dull hockey stick blade. As we understand it, you still haven't conquered the most rudimentary of afflictions - things like polio and athlete's foot. They tell us you still practice bloodletting for heaven's sake!

So how do you guys do it? How do you manage to type out your blogs without coating your keyboards with the phlegm and blood you are no doubt hacking up continuously throughout the day. Take your time. I know that your fingertips are covered in sores and that typing can make you winded.

9 comments:

God said...

The love is truly reciprocated by THIS Canadian! Guess who loves driving to America? ME!

That's a very good question though. How ARE we alive with such a rickity old healthcare system?

I wouldn't know too much, I haven't been to the doctor in about, ohhh, years and years. All I know is that I pay a lot of taxes, and when it comes time to go to the hospital. I don't pay anything more. It's all the same when you think about it.

Oh, except the doctors here don't get anything for pushing drugs, so when you go into the doctor they could care less if you walk out with a generic or name-brand prescription for your anti-psychotic-murderer medication, as long as it keeps you from murdering your neighbors.

God said...

Oh man, I just punked your ass good with Dr. Zibb's blog, hahahaha!

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!

Shhhh, don't tell anyone if you catch on! (And if you don't catch on, well, umm, hahaha, Dr. Zibbs didn't diss you, that's all I gotta say!)

Muahahaha!

Some Guy said...

Don't worry. I'm just playing along.;) (I can't believe I just made the "winky"-sign thing.)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Those people are savages up there.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I manage it by having daily maple syrup transfusions. That's where the problem is - blood. Maple syrup is much more advantagious and it tastes divine.

Also you're a little misguided on the healthcare thing, you see we each get our own government approved medical kit which includes piano wire (amputations), band aids (everything) a machete, and a gallon of morphine (for anything else). We're quite proficient in self diagnosis and treatment. We leave any resulting dead in the streets for the moose and wolves.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein is mistaken however, we are not savages, we enjoy a fine maple wine and gnawing on woodland creatures but we do it while listening to Mozart and Celine Dion.

Laura Roslin said...

Sadly the majority of US citizens are so ignorant they believe Faux noise.

Our country has been dumbed down very badly over the years.

Many have no idea that about 30 industrialized countries have nationalized health care.

Kinda like roads schools and other services.

Myself, I haven't had health insurance since 2003, and in all seriousness, worry alot about it.

Fancy Schmancy said...

That video is hysterical. I personally blame Canadia for everything that is wrong in my life. I especially blame them for the fact that I pay a ridiculous amount of money out of my paycheck every week for health insurance for my son and I, and then still pay a ridiculous amount of money on co-pays and deductibles, only to be told that 4 of my prescriptions in the past 3 years just flat out will not be covered. I would have to pay for them out of pocket if I want them because there is not yet a generic version of them. Yet, my cousin and my sister, who are both on disability and have insurance through the state, are able to get anything they want at any time for free. My cousin is lovely enough to actually give me her asthma inhalers every month that she doesn't use. But there's nothing wrong with our system. It must be those damn Canadians!

Dale said...

I'd prefer that everyone just blame me, or actually, Vegetable Assassin than the country. Thank you. A concerned Canadian.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Canada? Try England! As a Brit living in Canada I've got to say it's luxury here! Luxury! Let me put it this way: You know how all our teeth are crappy and uneven in England? Well our internal organs are in a similar state. My pancreas looks like a piece of burnt toast.