6/22/2009

Dreaming Of Cardboard...

Dreams for me are like playing a slot machine. Sometimes I pull the lever and get triple cherries. Other times, I get a seven, a kumquat, and a turd. Last night's was the latter. Now the trick will be whether I can present it in some sort of amusing way. You'll have to be the judge. I am not embellishing it in any way:

The dream started out with me walking into a big, Home Depot-type store. The name of the store was "The Cardboard Store" and was filled with nothing but shit made out of cardboard. I can even remember their corporate logo (a green square with yellow lettering that read "The Cardboard Store"). I had never been in this store before and had a list of questions about their inventory. I made my way to the customer service desk and had a seat in front of a woman who was talking on the phone. It was clear that her conversation was of a personal nature and had nothing to do with cardboard sales. I waited until she got off the phone, but once she did, she ignored me, got up and walked away.

I was starting to get a little frustrated. A line of people had formed behind me as we waited for someone to answer our questions. Eventually, a guy showed up (I'm pretty sure it was actor Idris Elba) and stood behind the desk. The girl in line behind me started to ask a question, so I turned around and gave her the stink eye. I passive-aggressively asked, "Excuse me, is there a line here?" She gave me a "fuck you" look, but shut up. Finally, Idris asked if he could help me.

"Yes, I have a list of questions regarding your product line. First, do you carry randomly-sized cardboard boxes?"

"I couldn't tell you."

"What do you mean you couldn't tell me?"

"I couldn't tell you."

"You mean you are forbidden to tell me or you don't know?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know what products you carry?"

"Not really."

"Well, it would seem to me the first thing a customer service rep should know is what sorts of products your business carries."

"Hey, what can I tell you?" he said in a dismissive way as he busied himself looking through random file cabinets only half-paying attention to me.

"Is there any way you could find out?"

"Nope."

"So am I just supposed to aimlessly wander your store looking for this product?"

"I guess so."

At this point I was starting to wake up because our pain-in-the-ass cats started making a racket, so I don't know how it would've ended. Your guess is as good as mine. The weird thing is that I never ask where stuff is when I go to stores like these. I always just wander aimlessly until I find what I'm looking for. If I can't find it, I assume they don't have it and leave.

9 comments:

Pyzahn said...

I could analyze this for you but I don't think you want the whole blogosphere to know what's going on in your psyche.

Scope said...

Sounds like every trip I make into Menards. I have actually shouted "Marco" in the lighting department hoping to hear "Polo" from an associate.

Gwen said...

Ugh! I hate - no LOATHE - frustration dreams.

So, what are you trying to complete in real life that isn't coming together like you want?

red said...

Stringer Bell in a cardboard shop?! WTF?

SkylersDad said...

I have purchased a toilet at that cardboard store, take my advice and don't get one.

Cora said...

That's like asking for help in Wal-mart, spot on. *shudder*

Fancy Schmancy said...

Sounds like you were just waving your dick in the wind, trying to get someone to notice you. Tell us what's really going on in your head...

Son of a Thomas said...

I think the fact that you were courious about the product line at The Cardboard Store makes you the most courious person I sorta know

Laura Roslin said...

First dibs on movie rights to this story!