Before I Take Off...

...I wanted to wish everyone out there in blogland
a joyous holiday season,
no matter what you may celebrate.

May your 2010 be flush with health and happiness!

I Know Telling You This Is a Total Dick Move On My Part...

...but I leave for Maui the day after Christmas
and get this
all my airfare and accommodations are being taken care of by someone else.

Feel free to curse at me now.

I Don't Usually Post About Dreams I Have...

...but this one was pretty vivid, so I'm going to make an exception.

So I'm at a Cubs game at Wrigley Field and someone I don't know comes up to me and asks if I'd like to watch the game from the Cubs dugout. I was a little skeptical, but I decided it was too good an offer to pass up. This person led me to a special entrance which we passed through without anyone asking who we were. As we were walking down a corridor I was in disbelief that this was actually happening. We entered a run-down locker room and I proceeded to take off my shorts because I thought I'd be too hot. I had on tidy-whities (which I haven't worn since I was a kid). I then entered the dugout, feeling a little out of place. I looked around and noticed that there were boxes of candy everywhere - all kinds. I asked someone if you had to pay for it and they told me no, I could have all I wanted - free! There was also a bar at the far end with a guy serving drinks. Again I asked if you had to pay. No, they told me. It was an open bar. I asked for a Dos Equis tall boy can (which I've never seen and don't think exists). I took my beer and tried not to get in the way as I watched the Cubs lose, 5-1. I can't remember who they were playing.

The weird thing was that, in the dream, the Cubs dugout was along the first base line rather than the third base line where it actually is. As soon as I realized this, I woke up.

Merry Fishmas...

This is a simple folk art decoy I carved and painted for Megan's parents
for Christmas. It was fun. I hadn't done one of these in a long time.

I haven't forgotten about the fish I promised some of you.
I have a lot of the carving done, but you'll just have to be patient.

My Holiday Sweater...

Make your own!

My Admitedly Juvenile Impression Of Douchebag Senator Joe Lieberman Of Connecticut...

I'm Not Talking About Tiger Woods...

The big topic of conversation this weekend amongst my fellow ski patrollers was how sick everyone was of hearing about Tiger Woods. Many spoke at length about how they had had enough of all the coverage and how the media was devoting WAY too much time to the subject. By the end of the weekend I was so tired of hearing about how everyone was so sick of hearing about Tiger Woods that it created some sort of weird paradigm shift. Now, I have an uncontrollable urge to hear everything I possibly can about Tiger Woods. I plan on filling my days doing nothing but gathering information about Tiger Woods, his mood, what color socks he's wearing - anything I can possibly know. I want to know how many poops he'll take this week. I want to know if the mayo in his fridge has gone bad. Most of all, I want more speculation. I want to know what other people think he's doing or thinking. I want there to be a fucking 24-hour Tiger Woods Channel with multiple scrolls along the bottom indicating what he's up to at any given moment and what his current rectal temperature is. After all, the guy hits a ball into a hole better than anyone on the planet. You'd have to be some sort of incurious turd not to want to know all that you could.

Ski Report '09: Week One...

We have gotten quite a bit of snow around here over the last week, but that doesn't always translate into a good opening weekend. Not all the runs are groomed, much of the staff is still getting the hang of things, and one's ski legs can be a little rusty. That said, this was a pretty decent weekend. Saturday was absolutely beautiful - 30s and blue skies all day without a single injury. I couldn't have asked for a better first day. Today was overcast which made changes in terrain very hard to see. We had one accident - a knee. I didn't do any first aid, but I did take the patient down the hill in the toboggan. I also finished a bitch of a crossword puzzle while I was in the patrol room. I think this ski season is off to a good start!

For those of you new to this blog, I like to highlight the song that was playing during what I felt was my best run of the weekend. This time it was "Holland, 1945" by Neutral Milk Hotel. Enjoy!

Here's What Happens In Northern Michigan...

...when you live in a poorly insulated house with a low-pitched roof and you get a lot of snow and you wait too long before you get off your ass and rake it off:

Nothing Gets Me In The Chrismas Spirit...

...quite like a dose of Better Off Dead.
Ricky's mom is the gift that keeps on giving.

If you want to see the extended scene, click HERE.

If you've never watched it at all, what is your problem?

Get Off Yer Ass, Sajak!...

These vowels ain't gonna sell themselves, champ.
We've got inventory to move
so look alive, dammit!

Happy Birthday, Dude!...

One of my all-time favorite actors,
Jeff Bridges,
turns the big 6-0 today!

Here's one of my favorite fictional movie president speeches from The Contender. I posted this once a while ago, but what the hell...



And just for the fuck of it: (NSFW)

I Need Your Vote...

As some of you may know, I was nominated for a number of Drysdale Awards this year. I've won five of these bad boys over the years, but one that has eluded me is the award for Dullest Blog. Even though I'm up for other awards, I'm focusing all my attention on this particular race. I've put a lot of effort into boring the shit out of you all this past year and I think I deserve your vote. Voting is currently underway along the sidebar at the link above. Don't worry. If you've already cast your vote, there's still time to change it. Please consider the following my campaign video:

Using an electric toothbrush while listening to Tito Puente.