3/22/2010

It Was Just As Glenn Beck Prophesied...

I know. I was as surprised as anyone.

After watching Congress vote to enact sweeping health care reform the night before, I was awoken this morning to the sound of a squadron of Commu-Nazi soldiers breaking down my front door. They grabbed me out of bed, threw me in the backseat of an electric car, and took me to the nearest abortion clinic. It didn't matter how much I tried to explain that I was a man and thus unable to conceive a child. When they finally determined that I wasn't pregnant, they figured they had me there and might as well remove something, so they took out my pancreas and sold it to an ACORN employee for a pack of menthol cigarettes.

Just like Glenn and his "Chalkboard of Freedom" said they would.

10 comments:

SkylersDad said...

I hear you SG, I am now down to one kidney, after they reviewed my medical history and decided my liver wouldn't be worth it.

BeckEye said...

Nancy Pelosi stole one of my kidneys. I called 911, but the operator was speaking German so I couldn't understand her.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Damn it. I'll do my best to get you pregnant next time we get together.

McGone said...

Ohhhh! That's what all that noise was this morning! I thought something was up, but I recently discovered that my church had "Social Justice" on their website, so I've been hiding down in my panic room with all my survival seeds and couldn't look out the window.

Gwen said...

Are you saying I can get a pack of smokes for a pancreas? Kick ass!

Wait. I don't NEED my pancreas, do I?

Mnmom said...

Shhh, they're here now, in the next room, I'm pretending to get my copy of Mein Kampf and my Little Red Book to prove party loyalty. I'm scheduled before a death panel at 1:30. Then it's off to the reeducation camp. I'll live blog from there.

bubbles said...

I've been hearing stories like this all day long! I noticed the snowbirds are going back to Canada. Oh, wait, they do that every spring.

Shawn said...

Can i PLEASE repost this on my Facebook! LOL! PLEASE!!!!

Some Guy said...

Shawn- Be my guest.

Cormac Brown said...

They also didn't tell me that they were lowering the minimum age for Death Panels down to forty. I just barely made it out alive, having slipped Harry Reid a two-headed coin.