Q-Tip: A Day In The Life...

There is a fuck-up (beside the fact that I made this ridiculous video at all). See if you can find it.

How I Spent My Memorial Day Weekend...

He's Berry Clever...

According to this little blurb on IMDb.com today, actress Halle Berry has, in the past, used the intronets to meet people and have "normal" conversations without revealing her true identity. She explains, "I never went so far as a date. But I've gone online and pretended to be someone else, in an attempt to have some anonymity."

After reading this, despite the fact that "his" conversations are primarily abnormal, I have come to the conclusion that still-anonymous That Blue Yak author, Dr. Zibbs, is actually none other than Charlotte Rae, television's Edna Garrett.

Until I have photographic evidence to the contrary, what else am I supposed to believe?

Liquid Smoke...

I want to know when someone's going to develop Solid Smoke.
You know, smoke you can really sink your teeth into.
Smoke you can slice up and put on a sandwich.

They Just Greenlit My Screenplay!...

Awesome news, right? Now, my contract prohibits me from getting into any specific story points -- you know, the "gritty-gritty" -- but I can tell you to think of it as

Gandhi

meets

Point Break.

It can't miss.

We Have A Toaster!?...

I don't spend a lot of time in our kitchen. The other day, Megan, who knows our kitchen intimately, asked if I'd like her to make me some toast with cinnamon & sugar on it.

"We have a toaster!?" I asked.

"Um, yeah," she replied, incredulously.

"Get the fuck out of here!"

"We do."

"No, seriously, get the fuck out of here. I am so fucking pissed right now. I can't believe we had a toaster and you didn't tell me."

"It's been on the counter the entire time."

So yesterday I went on a toasting spree. I toasted bread, socks, utility bills -- you name it. The thing is awesome! Then I discovered this drawer in the kitchen that had forks and knives and shit in it. No kidding! I cannot express how much easier it is to eat certain things now. Before you ask, yes, we do have a refrigerator. I knew that one already. That's the cold thing you put beer and frozen pizzas in. It's tall and white. At least I think that's it. I may be confusing it with the oven.

Who's In The Mood For A Nice, Long Groove?...

If so, give this a shot.

Cliffhanger!...

It's season finale season right now on the old televisual machine -- that time of year when all of your favorite programs drum up some sort of suspense to ensure that you'll tune in again come fall to see who shot who or who slept with who or whose penis-removal surgery got botched (Spoiler Alert! It's Jim Belushi of According To Jim. Can anyone say "Emmy contender"?).

Since there's never been a bandwagon I haven't jumped on, allow me to present my blog's season finale. All will be revealed in September. Now, let the wild speculation begin!

As Long As There's A Mother's Day...

...shouldn't there also be a "Motherfucker's Day"?

I think we need to set aside one day
each year to celebrate the people in our lives
who make us grateful we aren't them.

Vision Impaired...

I've been hearing that my blog is
difficult to read so I made some changes.

Edited to add: For those of you who don't understand, I blew up the blog's text size really, really big over the weekend. Needless to say, it was hilarious.

I Have A New Spin-Off Blog...

Jack's Frozen Pizza

Documentary Film Of The Day: Workingman's Death...

I'm warning you right off the bat, this one is a challenge. It can be tough to watch at times. However, the photography is incredible and the places the film goes are places you have likely never seen before. The film focuses on five hellish occupations: coal mining in the Ukraine, Sulfur mining in Indonesia, livestock processing in Nigeria (very graphic), ship dismantling in Pakistan, and steel production in China. If you think you have a shitty job, this film might give you a different outlook. I probably haven't done the best job talking up this film, but it is pretty amazing. Although there is minimal dialogue (which is subtitled), it has a slight similarity in style to one of my all-time favorite films, Baraka.

You can Netflix it HERE.

Now You Know Why I Don't Touch The Stuff...

You never know what you're gonna find* hiding in and amongst it.

And I don't want to hear a bunch of shit now about how it isn't the broccoli's fault and that broccoli is the greatest food ever and that you want to have sex with broccoli and raise a three or four half-broccoli/half-human children and send them to regular school during the week and broccoli school on Saturday so they can learn about their proud broccoli heritage.

Broccoli sucks and that's all there is to it. You know it and I know it. The days of denial are over.


*Article courtesy of Mr. Stankus.

People Often Confuse My Pterodactyl Impression With My Flying Pig Impression...

This originally started as a simple post with two short, separate videos. However, as is usually the case, the making of/behind-the-scenes footage is some of the most compelling. I wanted to film it inside because, unlike Megan, I don't think my neighbors realize what a weirdo I am, at least not yet.

Just A Song I've Been Listening To...

Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. It's certainly jangly.

Origamification...

When I was younger I had an aunt who encouraged me to try Origami, the Japanese art of paper folding. Folding paper sounded so much more fun to me than things like baseball and masturbation, so I jumped in with both feet. Like most beginners, the first step was to master the quintessential Origami pattern - the crane:

Once I had that one down, I moved on to pieces that were slightly more complicated, like this dragon:

As my ability improved, I tried to make my foldings more personal. I wanted my art to reflect who I was and what interested me. One of my most prized pieces was this toilet made from a dollar bill (It actually flushed, too!)

Eventually, as with all great artists, obsession took over. I stopped eating. I stopped bathing. All I wanted to do was fold. It was when I woke up from a five-day folding binge and found this Origami hermaphrodite that I knew that I had a problem and that it was time to find a new creative outlet.

To The Folks At Crooks & Liars And The Daily Show...

Glad I could help.

A Rare Political Post...

I used to write more about politics. Ever since the election, I've needed a break. I still follow stuff, but not with the intensity I had pre-election.

I am kind of excited about this Arlen Spector defection. Not that I think it's going to have a huge impact. At least it will force republicans to continuously answer questions about why they suck so bad for a few news cycles. It would be so cool if Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, the two moderate republicans from Maine, followed suit. I wonder if people within the republican party have figured out how they would respond to some sort of mass exodus.

I can only imagine the sort of behind-the-scenes political gamesmanship that went on to make this switch happen.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Wrangler: Anatomy Of An Icon...

When I started writing these documentary posts, I never once imagined I'd recommend a movie about a gay porn legend. Wrangler: Anatomy Of An Icon is the story of gay porn pioneer Jack Wrangler. I thought the story of his life was very interesting, especially his unconventional marriage to Margaret Whiting, a well-known singer during the 40s & 50s. For those of you who are squeamish about this sort of thing, there is no graphic sex in the film and only a few weiner shots. I know this one seems odd, but I think you'll like it.

You can Netflix it HERE.

R.I.P. Bea Arthur 1922-2009...

"After being in the business for such a long time,
I've done everything but rodeo and porno." - Bea Arthur

Say what you want about her, but she was a funny lady
who didn't seem to take herself too seriously.

My Favorite Time Spans...

-A second (or "sec")
-Two minutes
-Nine hours
-Eight days
-About four to six weeks
-A million years

You Can Say What You Want About This Post...

...but one thing

is for certain.

This post

is definitely not ruthless.

While we're on the subject:
Why ruthless?
Why not edithless?
Or agnesless?

What is it that makes it so awful for
an individual to be "without ruth"?

And why don't we refer to honest,
well-meaning people as "ruthful"?

And what's the deal with airplane peanuts?

I Wish Real Presidents Gave Speeches Like This...

I like The Contender. Jeff Bridges (one of my favorite actors) is awesome. Gary Oldman is perfect. Joan Allen is great. Sam Elliot is great. Even Christian Slater is tolerable. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

Afflicted...

I know my posting/commenting has been lax lately. It might be due to the fact that I was recently diagnosed with Rollie Fingers, a rare neurological disorder which makes typing excruciatingly painful.

Blame Skyler's Dad...

...if you have a problem with this kick-ass video he just sent me.