Some Guy's Blog

Taco Talk...

2012-01-22T19:30:00.000-05:00

Tuns Out People Are More Interested In Guys With Umbrella Hats Than I Would Have Thought...

2011-12-05T20:54:00.001-05:00

According to my StatCounter, there are a lot of people looking for pictures of guys in umbrella hats. Seriously, I get more visits everyday for that post than any other, with the possible exception being the Sandy Duncan Glass Eye post. Well, for those of you who are into guys wearing umbrella hats, here are a few more. Dig in!

Kayaking...

2011-11-28T18:20:00.002-05:00

Thanks to some warm weather the day after Thanksgiving, I was able to get one last kayak in before winter down the river that runs past my house. I fucking love it. I drive a few miles, drop in, paddle back to the house, and then either ride my bike or have Megan drive me back to my truck. When I went earlier in the fall, the river was teeming with huge salmon which were jumping out of the water left and right. The camera is duct-taped to the center of my paddle.

Happy Birthday, Carl Sagan...

2011-11-09T20:10:00.001-05:00

Thanks for everything. I know you're dead and won't see this, but thanks anyway.

My Impression Of Jackée Harry From The Show "227"...

2011-11-07T18:39:00.001-05:00

*Blogger's Note: At 2 seconds, this could be the shortest video I've posted yet.

George Will Surrounded By A Bunch Of Pig Penises...

2011-11-06T20:13:00.000-05:00

This Is My Job...

2011-10-09T22:43:00.001-04:00

I haven't talked about it much on the blog, but the last several years have not been good for someone working in architecture in northern Michigan. There are very few people building right now with a glut of cheap real estate and foreclosures available. Last fall it became clear that there just wasn't enough architecture work to keep me steadily busy. So I worked as a paid ski patroller for the resort I've volunteer patrolled at since 1997. It wasn't great pay, but it was something I knew how to do. Besides, I love to be outside during the winters up here, especially if it's spent skiing. Once the season was over, I thought I had lined up more lucrative architecture work, but it fell through. After I got done fixing our bathroom, it was time to find something to do. The resort where I ski patrol also has a year-round zipline tour. Since I knew a lot of the other employees from the ski season, I asked if they needed help. A lot of the college students were leaving to go back to school in August, so I started leading tours and have been there since. The downside is that the pay sucks, at least compared to what I used to make. Luckily, it is a pretty low-stress job. No one ever yells at me for anything. Most of the people who come out are looking to have a good time and I honestly have never had a complaint on my tours. You're outside. The ziplining itself is fun. And now, we are enjoying some kick-ass Indian Summer - leaves at their peak colors and close to 80 degrees. It's beautiful. I also like the people I work with, most of whom are much younger than me. It's reassuring to know that I can still relate to people in their early twenties. It's not something I plan to make a career of, but it's not bad for the meantime. The video features five of the ten lines on the tour.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Gashole...

2011-09-13T10:23:00.000-04:00

I'd call this a must-see. For those of you who still have Netflix and still follow my recommendations, this is one I hope you'll watch and then tell others to watch. It's about greedy-ass oil fucks and just how crooked and sinister human beings can be.

It's available for instant viewing HERE

Louis CK Honors George Carlin...

2011-09-06T10:32:00.001-04:00

Ladies And Gentlemen, I Give You Michele Bachmann...

2011-08-13T12:27:00.002-04:00

...unveiling her new (blow) jobs program. Hey-O!

The guy behind her seems impressed.

Here's another angle to really
sear it into your memory.

Documentary Film(s) Of The Day: How To Start Your Own Country & Cave Of Forgotten Dreams...

2011-08-10T10:28:00.001-04:00

As someone who likes relatively obscure documentaries, I am pretty limited as far as access to these films living in northern Michigan. Most of the time, I depend on Netflix. The only other venue available to me is the Traverse City Film Festival. I haven't been able to attend the last couple years, but Megan surprised me for my birthday with three movie passes, two of which were docs. The first was How To Start Your Own Country, a film about "micro-nations". It was often humorous, but also thought-provoking. It makes you think about what constitutes a country. The filmmakers (as well as one of the micro-nation leaders featured in the film) were there to answer questions afterwards. The other film was Cave Of Forgotten Dreams, a 3-D film by one of my favorite directors, Werner Herzog. It's about a cave in France where, in the 1990's, they discovered a perfectly preserved set of drawings that are 35,000 years old. The cave is off limits to the general public for obvious reasons and access is highly restricted. To be able to see some of the earliest artwork ever discovered was awe-inspiring and made me wonder what else is out there that has yet to be found. Neither of these films are available on Netflix yet, but be sure to check them out when they are.

Separated At Birth...

2011-08-10T09:34:00.000-04:00

Rick "Frothy Mixture" Santorum

and

Jerry Seinfeld when he got the bad haircut.

Anatomy Of A Bathroom...

2011-07-21T00:04:00.009-04:00

As some of you may remember, I live in a house that was given to me for free, provided I had it moved from its previous location to somewhere new. At the time, I found a lot, cleared a bunch of trees, excavated, built a foundation, had it moved, and basically did a whole bunch of other shit to make it livable. For the first few years, I was living in the house alone. As a bachelor, I was not as concerned about the interior aesthetics, especially in the bathroom. My requirements for a bathroom are minimal. When I shit, does it end up on the floor? Is there water spewing uncontrollably? If not, I can overlook what it looks like. I understand that not everyone is like me and I don't want to seem like I don't appreciate it when things look nice. I do. And believe me, as you'll see, it looked pretty fucking bad. I give credit to Megan for dealing with it as long as she did.

This post may be long and tedious, but I like seeing before & after shit, so maybe you do, too.

First, as a reference, here is a comparison of the floor plans. I made them with Paint. Sorry.

So, here we can see the main spacial problem: the vanity is in a shitty location. It is--believe it or not--only 18" from the tub. Uncomfortable. So we decided to have the plumbing moved so that the new vanity could be against the exterior wall and give things at least a little more openness. Now, you may be asking a few things. Are you putting a vanity under a window? Where will the mirror be? I'll talk about that later. Isn't it bad to run plumbing through an exterior wall, especially in balls-ass cold Michigan. Not to fear. All plumbing comes up through the floor from the heated basement. The toilet and tub stayed put. Here are a few before pictures. Holy shit is it bad!:

The shitter. She served us well. I liked to have the brush and plunger to either side of me so I could wield them like swords.

The tub had this piece of shit plastic surround that was pulling away from the wall in spots. Nasty.

This shot gives you a sense of how tight it was between the tub & vanity.

A couple of things to notice. A big hole in the wall, revealing insulation (next to the blue towel). There used to be a space heater there that was removed when I had a new furnace put in. I just never covered up the hole. There is also a very bad acoustical tile that had a bunch of holes in it, patched with duct tape. We never could figure out what the cause was. Rodents? We never saw any.

By now you've probably noticed the super-awesome faux marble Masonite paneling with stunning gold fleckwork (Megan's favorite!). It is amazing to me that--at some point in time--someone chose this material. Someone thought this looked nice. Surely there were other options. Fuck, there was drywall underneath. They could've just used that.

As you can see, we have our work cut out for us. This was a project that was supposed to be done last summer. However, as with most building projects, the kitchen/dining/living space took longer than expected. And there was a wedding.

So, the work begins. If you notice things I fucked up along the way, I wouldn't be surprised. I only ask that you keep them to yourselves:

So, first we had to see what we were dealing with underneath the god-awful Masonite. We knew there was drywall, but we didn't know what kind of shape it was in. We have learned with this house that if there is ever any doubt, it's probably shitty.

As you can see, it's pocked with rock-hard adhesive for the Masonite. It is unsalvagable and must come down.

Because we only have one bathroom, I was forced to work in a way that would minimze our inconvenience. I was daily removing the vanity, then putting it back so that we could still use it for as long as possible.

Because there was no vapor barrier along the exterior wall, a lot of the insulation was mildewy and useless. More work.

I love to demo. Seriously. There is a certain visceral pleasure in tearing something down.

I was surprised there wasn't more moisture damage. Anything that showed signs of mold was removed and replaced.

Now I'm drywalling. The bathroom is exactly 8' long, so I could use a full 4 X 8 sheet without cutting it. Somehow I got these two big sheets up myself. I built a temporary ledge enough to get a couple screws in.

I have also replaced insulation at this point and installed a 6 mil polyethylene vapor barrier. This should prevent the new insulation from getting water-logged.

I had to wait on the plumber before I could drywall the wall between the shower and terlet.

I temporarily put the old vanity where the new one would would go so Megan could have a better idea.

We are doing a tiled tub surround to replace the crappy-ass plastic one. This required Durock substrate on which to tile. I've also vapor-barriered the shower walls.

You can see that the shower control has been moved to a normal position. Before, it was just above the tub faucet.

I skipped ahead a bit because I sense you're getting bored and because taping and mudding drywall is miserable. At this point, all the exposed walls are painted

Still the old toilet.

This is 1/4" Hardie Backer, substrate for the new tile floor. The old toilet is now gone. This is when we had to stay elsewhere, which I mentioned in my last post.

Prepping for tile.

This first-half of the wall went up awesome. I got cocky.

The rest was not as perfect, but once the grout was applied, a lot of the imperfections became less noticeable.

Floor tile. The tiles came in 12" x 12" sheets which made it a lot easier to install than the 4" x 4" shower tiles.

Now that the shower is grouted, caulked, and sealed, and the new shower curtain rod is up, we can finally take normal showers again, without having to duct-tape up a sheet of plastic all the time. It's amazing how much a shower curtain rod can make a difference. The old one was adjustable, so there was a little lip where the shower curtain hooks would bind up and annoy. Now it is one continuous piece and Megan bought these ball-bearing-like curtain rings that glide like a fucking dream.

The new shower fixtures.

The new shitter! This was fun. We went to Lowes and went with their "economy" model. Once the floor tile had set up, I put together the toilet which came as a kit and had all the parts. After getting everything in place and triumphantly lowering the new throne onto its base, I could tell that the wax ring that creates a seal between the toilet and drain and ultimately keeps poop off your floor was not thick enough. Another aggravating trip to Lowes.

Just a brief interlude from the work. I saved the shower plumbing access panel made from the old Masonite. I am still trying to convince Megan that we should frame it and hang it somewhere in the house. It's so pretty!

Holy shit! A fucking vanity (this went in today--a balmy 95 degree day). I did most of the plumbing on this. I became familiar with Sharkbite copper fittings which allow a shmuck like me to add elbows and what-have-you without needing a torch and solder. One of the compression connections on one of the stop valves was a pain my ass. I must've made 20 trips to the basement to turn on and shut off the water main because of a leak I could not seem to remedy. I finally got the bastard to cooperate and the thing works. As for the mirror, we are going to devise some sort of flip-out mirror that has two sides that can fold out and be temporarily in front of the window. Pics to follow...

This is one of two new light fixtures. There will be another over the sink.

So, there is still shit left to do. I have to finish the rest of the base/door/window/ceiling trim and paint it. The tub will eventually be re-surfaced white. The rest is stuff like towel bars, toilet paper holders, etc. When the whole things done, I might post a pic or two.

Damn, that was long. If you are still reading this, you must like bathrooms as much as I do!

Northern Michigan The Beautiful...

2011-07-16T12:11:00.000-04:00

Megan and I are in the middle of renovating our bathroom (including a new toilet!) and because the floor tile needed time to set up, we were without a place to poop. Luckily, my aunt & uncle who live nearby let us stay with them for a couple nights. This was last night. Isn't nature ugly?

Jesus Loved Drumsticks...

2011-07-13T21:38:00.001-04:00

Tax The Rich...

2011-07-09T18:17:00.001-04:00

I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and both of us wondered why the fuck "Tax the Rich" is not the resounding mantra of the vast majority of the population and why any elected representative who disagreed shouldn't be replaced with someone who does as soon as possible. My guess was that, in this imbecilic nation, way more people think they're rich than actually are. I have news for every single person who reads this:

YOU ARE NOT RICH!

You might think you are. You might drive a nice car and have a nice house and take trips to Bora Bora every year, but compared to the richest of the rich, you're closer to those of us at the bottom--by a large margin--than you are to them. And you know what? You ain't never gonna be as rich as them. Never. The numbers are on our side. Let's tax the living shit out of 'em! I don't even care if the government wastes some of it on stupid shit, so long as eventually finds its way into our hands and not theirs. Besides, even if they do have to pay a lot more in taxes, you know what? They're still gonna be richer than you and I will ever be. They will still never ever have to worry like you and I about having food or clothes or shelter or money for that life-saving operation. And don't give me this bullshit about how they create jobs. First, fuck you. Second, there is ZERO evidence that this is true. The only reason it gets so much play is because of who holds the biggest megaphones. That's right. The super-rich!

Tax the fucking rich. Duh.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Playing Columbine...

2011-07-08T18:21:00.000-04:00

In 2005, a guy named Danny Ledonne released a video game called Super Columbine Massacre RPG!, a role-playing game in which players assume the identity of Columbine shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Sounds pretty sick and twisted, right? Well, watch this movie and you may feel differently. Lots of interesting shit in this one.

It's available for instant viewing on Netflix HERE.

The Fireworks Were Pretty Good, But...

2011-07-05T09:05:00.000-04:00

Little Traverse Bay

Petoskey, Michigan

July 4, 2011

Documentary Film Of The Day: Titicut Follies...

2011-07-03T14:45:00.000-04:00

One thing that's become clear to me with all the documentary-watching that I do is that I'm pretty much interested in any subject, no matter how obscure. What? There's a new movie about blind basket-weavers living in the jungles of Papua-New Guinea? That sounds like something I should know more about! In this case, it is a look inside a hospital for the criminally insane in Bridgewater, Massachusetts during the late sixties. It's by a director named Frederick Wiseman. I've wanted to see this film for a long time, but it is extremely hard to find. It is a difficult film to watch and the picture and sound quality are not the best, but it is fascinating if you give it a chance. According to Wikipedia, Titicut Follies is "the first known instance in the history of the American film industry that a film was banned from general distribution for reasons other than obscenity, immorality or national security." I don't know how long this will last, but it is available free online right now until somebody yanks it. It is divided into three parts:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

It's Time To Fuck With The Cat...

2011-06-30T20:53:00.000-04:00

With being the operative word.

A "Some Guy's Blog" Official Decree...

2011-06-25T20:50:00.000-04:00

Hear Ye! Hear ye!

Let it be known throughout the land that the paddleboat shall henceforth be recognized as the lamest form of watercraft currently available for purchase on the open market.

Sensitive Catholics Will Want To Avoid This Little Gem...

2011-06-24T16:55:00.001-04:00

via Dr. Monkey

Why?...

2011-06-18T21:11:00.003-04:00

Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why would anyone spend their money on this?

But seriously, why?

Dork...

2011-06-17T20:29:00.000-04:00

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

Splendid...

2011-06-04T12:57:00.001-04:00

It occurred to me last night--apropos of nothing--that I have probably never in my life used the word "splendid" to describe anything. Splendid seems to be reserved for people like Lovey Howell--affluent white women who wear gloves to parties. And you know what? That shit ain't right. Splendid belongs to us all. I ate a splendid frozen pizza for dinner and took a splendid dump this morning and I'm not going to let my gender or my meager finances keep me from sharing it with the world.

Myoo-zik...

2011-05-30T09:43:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but I like music.

I decided to start a Tumblr blog that will

serve as a repository for songs I like.

No blathering.

Just music.

Find it at:

http://someguysfavoritemusic.tumblr.com/

I Still Love Documentaries...

2011-05-13T13:47:00.000-04:00

For some reason Blogger deleted this post during the recent outage. It is an updated video of all the documentaries I've watched since the end of 2004. The tune is Say Man by Bo Diddley.

This Guy's Name Is Conway Twitty...

2011-05-04T23:18:00.001-04:00

He's looking at you.

What I Want To Know...

2011-05-02T09:39:00.000-04:00

Can we take shampoo on an airplane again?

Say "Excuse Me..." One More Time, Motherfucker...

2011-04-28T19:56:00.003-04:00

That is what I want one of these interviewers to say to him. Sorry about all this. I'm really upset about the lack of integrity the media has shown towards their reporting on Trump. You might say to me that I shouldn't worry and that he's done this all before and he's not really gonna run and it's just a publicity stunt. Regardless of whether this is some sort of ego-maniacal piece of performance art or a legitimate campaign, he is hurting us with the things he says. Everyone in the media should be holding this fucker's feet to the fire and insisting that he answer questions. For instance, here's CNN's John King letting Trump control the interview:

I find it hard to believe I'm saying this, but he's worse than Bush. He either needs to open himself up to the same scrutiny he is requiring of others, or he needs to be ignored. And any American who values intelligence should refuse to watch his show, boycott his sponsors, and cease to support his businesses in any way. And don't think that I can't appreciate comedic sideshows. Anyone who reads this blog knows I can find the comedic value in about anything. It's just that this has gone beyond sideshow and become something dark and hateful and ignorant. Something that is harming the country and making us look ridiculous. I mean, seriously, this shit has got to stop.

It's All He Is...

2011-04-28T14:03:00.000-04:00

Isn't there a way to take his poop-filled megaphone away?

We've had to suffer through his bullshit for far too long.

Enough is enough.

Fucking-A-Right...

2011-04-27T20:43:00.002-04:00

I know we've all had different life experiences and everything. I just want people to know it hurts me, too - bullshit like this. It really hurts, knowing what we could be if we stopped being so fucking terrified of everything.

Even Though They're From Completely Different Solar Systems...

2011-03-31T18:14:00.000-04:00

...I still think Bob Odenkirk's Saul Goodman of Breaking Bad

bears a striking resemblance to famed cat-masticator Alf.

And if you haven't watched Breaking Bad yet, you should.

It's really fucking good.

Netflix it HERE.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Inside Job...

2011-03-25T08:41:00.000-04:00

At long last this year's Oscar-winning documentary is available on Netflix. It's a great film about the global economic collapse of recent years. I challenge anyone to watch this and explain to me how what took place wasn't organized crime. Is is because no one got whacked or lost a kneecap? After you watch it, tell your friends to see it. I think this is a subject that the population needs to understand if there's any hope of shit changing.

Netflix it HERE.

It's Monday. We Should Probably Rock: Featuring Elmore James...

2011-03-21T22:21:00.000-04:00

Elmore James is one of my all-time favorites. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any videos of live performances. Here are a few to give a listen:

How About A Fucking Post Every Once In A While?...

2011-03-12T16:01:00.001-05:00

As some of you may know, I have been working this winter as a paid ski patroller at a local resort (in addition to my volunteer duties on weekends. This is a short video highlighting a typical morning for me which includes riding around on a snowmobile and opening parts of the hill, as well as starting a fire in the warming house. You will notice how the Boy Scout Handbook section on how to start a fire goes out the window when temps are below zero.

Sundays Rock! Featuring Big Mama Thornton...

2011-02-20T16:49:00.000-05:00

I've been having a lot of fun with this series, mostly because it's the first time I've seen video of the featured artists performing live. Since I don't want it to seem like men are the only ones capable of rocking, today I give you Big Mama Thornton (in keeping with my string of performers whose names start with "Big"). I don't like to give too much commentary, so enjoy!

I'm sorry about the ad at the beginning of this next one, but it really rocks and is worth it.

Jerry! Goodbye!...

2011-02-17T07:52:00.000-05:00

Rest in peace, Len "Uncle Leo" Lesser.

"He's all smooth now. Kinda like a seal."

It's Only Wednesday, But Fuck It. Let's Rock Anyway! Featuring Big Joe Turner...

2011-02-16T08:33:00.000-05:00

If this doesn't get your toes tapping, you have problems. Here's Big Joe performing for a bunch of white kids in the movie, Shake, Rattle & Roll!

Little Known Fact...

2011-02-15T18:09:00.000-05:00

Prior to her success as a purveyor of synthetic butter products,

Molly McButter was a explosives expert with the Irish Republican Army.

Dude, it's on Wikipedia. Seriously.

It's Sunday, So Let's Rock! Featuring Big Bill Broonzy...

2011-02-06T11:40:00.000-05:00

Big Bill Broonzy is one of my favorite blues artists. This was one of the only YouTube videos I could find of him performing live. Here's another one with some vocals:

Documentary Film Of The Day: The Tillman Story...

2011-02-05T19:34:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting patiently for this one to be released on DVD/Netflix because this subject has always been difficult for me to understand (as I'm sure it has been for most people). After watching it, I still don't feel like I fully comprehend it, but at least I have a better sense of who Pat Tillman was and the kind of utter bullshit his family was put through. The film is also a reminder of what a scumbag weasel fuck Donald Rumsfeld is.

You can Netflix it HERE.

The Jack's Frozen Pizza Blog Is The Fucking Best!...

2011-02-05T09:04:00.000-05:00

I get geeked up about really dumb things. For instance, according to my SiteTracker thingy there has been unusually high traffic on my Jack's Frozen Pizza blog. It is an extremely concise blog with only one post dated May 8, 2009. I did a Google search for Jack's Frozen Pizza and saw that the first two entries direct the Googlers to my blog. I even beat out the Kraft website, the company that actually makes Jack's. The picture on the site is also first one when you do an image search. I take a certain amount of demented pride in knowing that of all the Jack's Frozen Pizza blogs in the world, mine is number one.

Who Is Some Guy?...

2011-01-30T17:44:00.001-05:00

I've put it off long enough.

I registered for the online test today.

I'm just hoping there aren't a lot of

questions from the following categories:

Ballet

Opera

Latin

Anything Shakespeare

Proper Etiquette

Toilet Cleanliness (Megan's suggestion)

Walking Normally (also Megan's)

Icelandic Politics

Shit Your Mechanic Tells You Needs To Be Fixed

Tea Party Logic

To see the categories I'm hoping for,

click HERE.

It's Sunday. Let's Rock! Featuring Wynonie Harris...

2011-01-30T14:08:00.001-05:00

Wynonie Harris - Lovin' Machine

Documentary Film Of The Day: The Parking Lot Movie...

2011-01-24T22:10:00.001-05:00

This is yet another example of how a documentary can turn a seemingly mundane topic--in this case, a parking lot in Charlottesville, Virginia--into a compelling feature-length film. Actually, the film isn't so much about the parking lot itself, but about the people who work there and how they (and other service industry employees) are treated by society. Having worked at several jobs that would be considered menial or lowly by most (my stint as a garbageman comes to mind), I could easily empathize with the employees in the movie. Plus, it made me laugh.

It is currently available for instant viewing only HERE. Check it out!

Let's Go BEARS!...

2011-01-23T09:04:00.001-05:00

Stick your penises into the Packers' buttholes today.

The Blahg...

2011-01-22T16:13:00.000-05:00

Those of you who still follow this decrepit blog may have noticed my posting frequency has plummeted over the last few months. Now, I could lie and say that I wasn't spending most of my spare time waiting by the mailbox for my copy of Boy Meets World: The Complete Fourth Season to arrive, but I won't. That's exactly what I was doing. And I'd do it again because the show is that good.

Actually, the truth is that, as each day passed without a new post, I felt increased pressure to write something really profound and worthy of my triumphant return. Then I realized that this blog has never been about quality. The thing I always loved about this space was being able to post whatever stupid shit popped into my head without any concern for whether anyone would like or understand it. So, although I may not post as much as I once did, I will endeavor to get back to my roots--goofy nonsense and perhaps more boring videos.

Another reason for the blog's decline is that I haven't felt all that funny lately. This fall it became apparent that I would no longer be able to sustain my struggling architecture business. The building industry sucks most everywhere, but especially here in northern Michigan where there is a glut of cheap real estate on the market. People would rather buy an existing home at rock-bottom prices than go through the headache and expense of designing and building something new. For the time being I am working full-time as a paid ski patroller (while still doing my volunteer duty on weekends like before). It's okay for now, but once the season is over I will again be looking for jobs that aren't really there. Unless, of course, there is some unexpected spike in new construction. It can be stressful, but I am healthy, I have a wonderful, understanding wife, great friends (including my blog-pals) and family, a home that contains ample food and clothing, and a vivid imagination. So please, no pity. Now quick, let us commence with the weiner jokes!

Rosco Peecole Train...

2011-01-20T22:55:00.000-05:00

Yes. I'm still alive and still weird.

This Is The Kind Of Thing That Makes Me Laugh Out Loud...

2010-12-26T18:03:00.001-05:00

I've been finding more funny shit like this HERE.

See what I mean:

Merry Christmas, Everyone!...

2010-12-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

From the staff at Some Guy's Blog.

Now, on the count of three--start drinking!

Documentary Film Of The Day: Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work...

2010-12-19T15:45:00.000-05:00

I'll be honest. I've never been a Joan Rivers fan. I can remember avoiding The Tonight Show as a kid whenever she'd fill in while Johnny was on vacation. This documentary went a long way in changing my perception of her. For one thing, I had never seen her doing her stand-up in small clubs. She's shockingly dirty! While the film does address some of the things Joan is well known for like the plastic surgery and her roller-coaster career, it digs deeper to reveal an extremely hard-working, vulnerable person. I thought it was excellent.

Netflix it or watch it instantly HERE.

Be Proud, Vermonters...

2010-12-10T18:54:00.000-05:00

Your senator knows the fucking score.

From Sans Pantaloons...

2010-12-07T20:51:00.000-05:00

Sans now officially has his own tag

This is what frozen pizza can do for you.

I Never Think Of Jokes...

2010-12-01T08:54:00.001-05:00

...but I came up with one as I was getting ready for bed last night. I shared it with Megan. Here is our exchange:

Me: Hey, want to hear this joke I just thought up?

Her (reluctantly): Um, okay.

Me: Okay, What is the most commonly reported illness amongst employees at a beer factory?

Her: I don't know. What?

Me: The "BREW-bonic" plague!

Her: *crickets*

Me: Okay, wait, wait. Now, what is the most commonly reported illness by a coven of witches?

Her: *indifferent grumble*

Me: The "BREW-bonic" plague!

Her: Ugh.

Me: Okay, okay. What is the most commonly reported illness by players on the Milwaukee Brewers?

Her: Gee,I don't know. Was it the "BREW-bonic" plague?

Me: No. Cancer.

Who Loves LEGO!?...

2010-11-27T09:41:00.001-05:00

AFOL A Blocumentary from AFOL on Vimeo.

I do, but clearly not as much as the people in this half-hour documentary by director Jess Gibson. I found this over at The Documentary Blog and it's just the sort film I like--one about people doing what they truly enjoy even if most other people think they're weird. Some of the shit they make is pretty incredible. So if excessive turkey intake has made you immobile, spend some time with this cool little doc.

You People Should Be Ashamed...

2010-11-25T09:46:00.000-05:00

How could anyone butcher and eat a creature as adorable as this?

What's next? Kitten McNuggets? Puppy Pot Pies?

I'm disgusted by the lot of you.

Yeah, Happy "Thanksgiving". Sickos.

I hope your attempts to stifle your turkey farts

give you hemorrhoids.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Winnebago Man...

2010-11-12T16:24:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting a long time to see this one.

Although you may not be immediately familiar with the name Jack Rebney, chances are you've witnessed his curse-laden tirades on YouTube captured while making trade videos for Winnebago motor homes. For a profanity connoisseur such as myself, you must believe me when I say they are works of fucking art (go HERE if you haven't seen them--NSFW). Director Ben Steinbauer decided he wanted to see whatever became of Jack. I liked this documentary for the same reason I like a lot of documentaries--we get to see the story unfold as the film is being made. It's the unpredictability that I find incredibly compelling. As the movie starts, Ben isn't even sure whether Jack is still alive. In fact, based on Jack's demeanor in the videos, he assumes he's probably died of a heart attack or some other stress-related malady. Luckily for the filmmaker and the audience, Jack is still alive and (somewhat) willing to talk. I'll let you find out the rest for yourselves.

Netflix it HERE
Film's website is HERE

Netflix To The Rescue...

2010-11-01T16:25:00.000-04:00

If you're like me, you missed Louie on FX in its original run.

Luckily, the first season is now available on instant viewing.

If you want to laugh your ass off, you need to check it out.

GO HERE

This guy is one of my favorite current stand-up comics.

He shows shades of Carlin, but not so much that he's a copycat.

Happy Hallo-weeners, Everyone!...

2010-10-31T13:56:00.000-04:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Family Circus vs. Hi And Lois...

2010-10-26T21:50:00.001-04:00

I'm still having trouble swallowing the fact that they're actually making a Family Circus movie. I'm trying to think of what it might take to get me to see a movie like this. One thing that could change my mind is if the movie features a battle royale between the Family Circus family and the Hi And Lois family. Let's take a look at the match-ups, shall we?

The first bout will finally answer the age-old question:

"Can my dad beat up your dad?"

While I think the edge goes to Bil as far

as ferocity, I think his lack of eyeballs

may prove to be his downfall.

Projected winner: Hi

Not to be confused with the cinematic duo

that drove their car off a cliff,

I think this pairing will not disappoint.

There is bound to be a lot of sweat,

minimal clothing, and tickling.

Projected winner: any male watching

Clearly, Chip has the advantage here in terms

of height, reach, and experience.

However, his pubescent urge to

masturbate at all times makes

him vulnerable to a sneak attack.

Projected winner: Billy

Let's face it.

Jeffy is an imbecile.

Projected winner: Ditto

Word has it Dot is planning on

taking a dive for the Korean Mafia.

If you ask me, it's a guaranteed

one way ticket to Palookaville.

Projected "winner": Dolly

I think this one will eventually devolve

into a stinky poop-throwing contest,

leaving the ref with no choice but to

disqualify both contestants.

Projected winner: Neither

If You Made $518.8 Million Last Year, Fuck You...

2010-10-26T11:22:00.001-04:00

Some of you may have read THIS ARTICLE linked on Huffington Post the other day. It provides some pretty eye-opening data regarding wages and income distribution. I found this part of the article particularly interesting:

"The number of Americans making $50 million or more, the top income category in the data, fell from 131 in 2008 to 74 last year. But that’s only part of the story.

The average wage in this top category increased from $91.2 million in 2008 to an astonishing $518.8 million in 2009. That’s nearly $10 million in weekly pay!

You read that right. In the Great Recession year of 2009 (officially just the first half of the year), the average pay of the very highest-income Americans was more than five times their average wages and bonuses in 2008. And even though their numbers shrank by 43 percent, this group’s total compensation was 3.2 times larger in 2009 than in 2008, accounting for 0.6 percent of all pay. These 74 people made as much as the 19 million lowest-paid people in America, who constitute one in every eight workers."

I would just like to say for the record that unless you are someone who is shoveling raw shit for twelve hours a day, seven days a week, you did not earn $518.8 million. Not a chance in hell. You might have made that much, but you sure as fuck didn't earn it. It boggles the mind to think that considerable numbers of those 19 million on the bottom still want to elect people who openly (and often proudly) campaign on giving tax cuts to the top 74.

19 million vs. 74. Can't we just bum-rush them? I mean, fuck.

I Think Yogi Bear And Chumley Had The Same Stylist...

2010-10-25T19:11:00.005-04:00

Anything more than a hat, collar, and tie is too much.

Lauren Huttonchops...

2010-10-23T10:59:00.001-04:00

If only I had a legitimate photoshopping program
rather than just Microsoft Paint.

I could cause all sorts of mischief.

I Don't Know Why...

2010-10-19T09:34:00.000-04:00

...but, to me, Al Molinaro looks like he smells like cantaloupe.

I'm Still A Major Nerd...

2010-10-15T18:07:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned in THIS POST from over two years ago, I am trying to complete my collection of the 50 state quarters. To increase the nerdosity, I want to get each state's quarter from both mints (Philly and Denver). I finally have at least one of each pair, but I'm still trying to fill in a few holes. These are the ones I'm still looking for:

Vermont - P
Kentucky - P
Mississippi - P
Arkansas - D
Texas - D
Iowa - P
California - P
Nebraska - D
Colorado - D
Montana - D
Idaho - D
New Mexico - D
Hawaii - D

If you happen upon any of these, I'd be glad to negotiate some sort of trade.

Family Circus: The Movie...

2010-10-12T17:13:00.002-04:00

No, I am not joking.

I guess I'd be a little upset if it weren't for the fact that it's being billed as a hardcore porno.

Fuck The Magic 8-Ball...

2010-10-11T09:19:00.000-04:00

Are you tired of asking some dopey plastic ball what life has in store for you? Don't trust your fortune-telling needs to some "toy". If you're like me, you're way too busy to spend your time shaking an 8-ball, only to wait (and wait and wait and wait...) for the little triangle thingy to rise to the surface and reveal its answer. You don't have time to dick around. You need your fortune told - STAT! Allow me to recommend the Fortune Teller Miracle Fish. Timely, accurate fortunes for people on the go. This little red rascal predicted the McKinley assassination AND that my cat would piss on the floor last night (like two feet away from the litter box. Fucker.). You've tried the rest, now buy the best. Fortune Teller Miracle Fish. Ask for it by name.

The Real Stairway To Heaven...

2010-10-10T15:28:00.000-04:00

This was yesterday, a gorgeous northern Michigan fall day overlooking Lake Charlevoix.

Tune: Clarinet Marmalade, Louis Armstrong and His All-Stars

Truth Exists...

2010-10-10T10:25:00.002-04:00

"People who suggest that there is no such thing as truth should be sentenced to death for a crime they didn't commit." -Errol Morris

"People who suggest that there is no such thing as objective truth should be sentenced to death for a crime they didn't commit." -Errol Morris (a short while later)

He's on Twitter.

(For the record, I still don't think anyone should receive a death sentence. I just think Mr. Morris makes a good point.)

A Documentary Trifecta...

2010-10-08T15:49:00.001-04:00

I know this is the second post in a row about documentaries and that, for many of you, documentaries = boring. It's just that I can't help but champion what I consider a genre of film that is too often overlooked. Some of the most exciting, innovative stuff being done these days, in my opinion, is in non-fiction. Here are three more for your Netflix queues. Two are about corruption and one is about two guys who stalk '80s pop sensation, Tiffany.

I discovered this one thanks to Will at A Moment Of Miscellany. It's about the art collection of Albert Barnes - a collection that is considered one of the most important and valuable in the world. The story follows the history of the collection, Mr. Barnes intentions for what would happen to the collection after he died, and the extents to which wealthy interests in Philadelphia have gone to gain control of the collection. I found it fascinating. You can Netflix it HERE. (Available for instant viewing)

I'm sure a lot of you remember the name Jack Abramoff from the news a few years ago. If you were ever confused by what exactly he did wrong, this film should help clear things up. The film is by Oscar-winning director Alex Gibney who also made a great movie on the Enron debacle. You'll likely come away thinking that this guy is a douchebag of the highest order, but remember that he was merely exploiting (granted, in a pretty cavalier way) a system that has existed within the government for a very long time. You can Neflix it HERE.

This is a movie about two people - one is a 50-year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome and the other is an "intersexual" living as a female - who are obsessed with teen mall queen from the '80s, Tiffany. It's the sort of weird, obscure subject matter that I look for in a documentary. At 64 minutes long, it is shorter than most features. You can Netflix it HERE. (Available for instant viewing)

Documentary Film Of The Day: Sweetgrass...

2010-10-02T14:57:00.000-04:00

This is one of the best documentaries I've seen in a while. It's about sheep-herding in Montana. If you get bored by movies without much dialogue, this isn't the film for you. I loved it. For one, the film is a visual feast. The photography is outstanding. There are lots of poignant little moments, too, like when one of the herders is cursing at the sheep with what I'd consider one of the most brilliant, spontaneous strings of profanity ever captured on film. It's a real life Brokeback Mountain, but without all the wieners. Check it out!

Netflix it HERE (Available for instant viewing.)

Stephen J. Cannell Dies...

2010-10-01T19:27:00.000-04:00

and Mr. T cries.

Story HERE

A Few Seconds With Morris Wanchuk...

2010-09-23T16:40:00.000-04:00

(Probably not kid/work safe.)

Dudes Wearing Umbrella Hats...

2010-09-21T08:52:00.005-04:00

I'm Not Alone...

2010-09-15T08:56:00.005-04:00

Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks Senator Mitch McConnell looks like the turtle in those art school test ads. Jon Stewart seconded my emotion last night. You can watch it HERE if you like.

This Is Fun...

2010-09-13T17:04:00.002-04:00

77777777777777777777777777777777777777777

2010-09-10T16:06:00.007-04:00

7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

Sorry. There was some gunk on my 7 key that I was trying to scrape off. Please disregard this post.

Football...

2010-09-09T19:02:00.002-04:00

I don't expect much out of the Bears this season, but I don't really care since I already got my Blackhawks Stanley Cup yayas this year. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the action, sans fantasy leagues. As for tonight's game, I'm afraid I can't bring myself to cheer for the Vikings no matter how ambivalent I am. Go Saints (I guess)!

I'll Take "Tea Party Douchebags" For $200, Alex...

2010-08-29T13:28:00.003-04:00

You get one guess...

The Wedding Post...

2010-08-09T16:40:00.013-04:00

As some of you may know, Megan and I got married yesterday. For the past three summers, her family has rented a vacation home on a lake up here for a week. The one they chose this year was ideally set up for a small wedding. There's a big, sandy beach and a dock with plenty of room for a tent. We each have a brother and a sister who stood up with us. We asked my uncle to get his $13 credentials from the Universal Life Church website so that he could perform the ceremony. We didn't hire a photographer or use a wedding planner or a deejay. The food, all of which was locally grown/raised, was provided by the guy who runs the co-op farm where Megan volunteers. It came off exactly the way we had hoped. Despite several forecasts that had called for thunderstorms, the weather was absolutely perfect and punctuated with a million dollar Michigan sunset. Megan's dad surprised everyone by arranging an awesome fireworks display. Later in the evening, after some serious imbibing, many guests ended up in the lake in various states of undress. I think you'll agree that Megan looked absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't have asked for a better day or a more wonderful bride. Here are some pics:

For Chicagoans (And Fans Of Old Style)...

2010-07-26T13:34:00.002-04:00

Any dive bar that's worth a damn in Chicago has an Old Style sign out front. I found a fun Flickr group dedicated to all things Old Style. This is the Chicago I know and love: