Family Circus vs. Hi And Lois...

I'm still having trouble swallowing the fact that they're actually making a Family Circus movie. I'm trying to think of what it might take to get me to see a movie like this. One thing that could change my mind is if the movie features a battle royale between the Family Circus family and the Hi And Lois family.  Let's take a look at the match-ups, shall we?

The first bout will finally answer the age-old question:
"Can my dad beat up your dad?"
While I think the edge goes to Bil as far
as ferocity, I think his lack of eyeballs
may prove to be his downfall.
Projected winner: Hi

Not to be confused with the cinematic duo
that drove their car off a cliff,
I think this pairing will not disappoint.
There is bound to be a lot of sweat,
minimal clothing, and tickling.
Projected winner: any male watching

Clearly, Chip has the advantage here in terms
of height, reach, and experience.
However, his pubescent urge to 
masturbate at all times makes 
him vulnerable to a sneak attack.
Projected winner: Billy

Let's face it.
Jeffy is an imbecile.
Projected winner: Ditto

Word has it Dot is planning on 
taking a dive for the Korean Mafia.
If you ask me, it's a guaranteed
one way ticket to Palookaville.
Projected "winner": Dolly

I think this one will eventually devolve 
into a stinky poop-throwing contest,
leaving the ref with no choice but to
disqualify both contestants.
Projected winner: Neither


Scope said...

I think the deciding factor is the military training that Lois's brother can teach her family.

Beetle Bailey

Flannery Alden said...

Brilliant analysis!

Zed said...

It's as if you're speaking a foreign language.

But then again, I led a deprived childhood. Might all make sense otherwise.

Pearl said...

Are they really?! What in the world -- have we run out of ideas already?!


Son of a Thomas said...

I am so glad that I am not the only one who finds the idea of comic strip moms fighting HOT!

SkylersDad said...

I have been deprived of Hi and Lois my entire life, but my hatred for all things Family Circus makes me want them to not only lose, but to be destroyed.

Mnmom said...

Jeffy was a nose-picker.

I'd like to see a Dolly vs Lucy Van Pelt match up. My $'s on Lucy.

Cooper Green said...

Bil Keane would take Dik Browne (what's with those preschool first names?) in the cartoon recap by using those dotted lines to show how the fight spread all over Elm street or wherever they live. I hate it when the worst comic strip wins.

Gwen said...

This is fantastic.